


Miraculous (The Power of Love)

by itreads



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Miraculous Ladybug, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-03-02 21:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13326516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itreads/pseuds/itreads
Summary: In the daytime, he's Nico di Angelo, just a normal guy with a (semi) normal life. But there's something about him that no one knows yet, 'cause he has a secret...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know much about Miraculous Ladybug if I'm being honest, so this is going to be a weird mix of fact, almost-fact-but-I-got-one-detail-wrong, and stuff which I made up completely. Enjoy :)

New year, new school, and I really hope no one in my class is as bad as Octavian.

This year I'm going to Half-Blood High School (why is it called that? Like, why the fuck would someone put the word 'blood' into a school name? Do they know teenagers at all?) and not to Jupiter High School (is that even any better?), after an incident that took me out of education for just over a year. I'll still be the youngest in my class, I assume, because until I was ten Dad had me and Bi home schooled and we ended up accidentally academically two years ahead of everyone else our age. I guess that's okay because I've never really found school difficult (thanks Dad) but at the same time, I've never had any friends because everyone in my classes was the same age as my sister ( _thanks_ , Dad).

Anyway, a year out of school has left me a bit rusty, probably, especially socially, but I'm hoping it might be easier because they're all one year closer to my age, and none of them know about the _incident_.

Also, I've physically changed, but more on that later.

Hazel says I have to make at least one friend while I'm at Half-Blood, because _"I'm worried about you, Neeks, I don't want..."_

Yeah, well I _didn't want_ either, but I guess timing and puberty and some magical ancient superpower that I really have no knowledge of but was shoved on me like I'm a fucking expert suck, huh?

Yep. I'm a damn superhero.

A few months ago, I was approached by an old man with a rucksack (dodgy, I know) who gave me a parcel. For the next seven weeks, I did nothing with it, instead opting to spend all my time in bed, as I had been doing for almost a year until then. But, after a while, curiosity (and a vague sense of boredom) got the better of me, and I opened it.

Honestly, I was not expecting a cartoon ladybug to jump out holding a pair of earrings in its hands, but who in their right minds would expect that? So I kind of went along with it, having a detailed conversation with it about global warming.

Later that night, he (the ladybug) told me to put on the earrings. They were small and bright red and altogether not my style, but back then I'd believed no one would see me in them, so I thought  _why the fuck not?_  and put them in my ears (which I'd pierced sometime at the start of highschool, before the incident). In hindsight, if I had known exactly what they were, I'm not sure I would have put them in.

It turns out that they were some old-timey god-gift originally bestowed on an Egyptian Pharaoh that gave him the power to transform, with the help of his little ladybug  _kwami_ , who later on told me he was called Tikki. There are other _kwami_ s and miraculouses (like my earrings) out there, Tikki said, but he's not sure how many.

That ancient power was now mine, apparently. I didn't transform at first, though, because I didn't really know what to do with the power (okay, okay, I was also a little bit scared). When I finally did transform, it was kind of by accident.

I was stuck in an elevator, alone and _thisclose_ to a full blown panic attack, when the little red ladybug jumped out of my pocket and told me to say "Spots on!" So, obviously, I did, and I was suddenly (miraculously) transformed into some sort of Spandex-clad ladybug-human hybrid.

At the time I didn't have much energy to focus on my appearance, instead trying to find a way to break myself out of the elevator, which was a lot easier with the transformation. After that, though, once my miraculous earrings had recharged, I transformed again and spent hours in front of the mirror.

I wore skin-tight faux leather from my too-skinny shoulders all the way to my toes (the shoes were built in. It's way easier to move about when they're like that, but it took a lot of getting used to). By far the coolest thing was the mask; it covered most of my head, not at all like the crappy ones you see in movies that only cover your eyes. You could only see my eyes and mouth. In this mask, I was unrecognisable.

Back then, that was the best thing I could have wished for.

I think that was what tilted it, seeing myself but not seeing _myself_. I could be whoever I wanted to be, so I decided to save the world.

Okay, that might be a bit dramatic, but I was certainly saving innocent citizens from the cruel grasps of petty crimes.

That's how I spent my summer: saving lives, when it was called for. It was something I began to look forward to, which was a feeling I hadn't experienced in too long.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a cure. I'm still fucked, but now I have moments of release, moments where I cease to be Nico di Angelo With The Dead Sister and I become something else.

(Please don't comment, I tried to mention it casually but _gods_  I'm not ready to talk yet.)

The night before my first day at Half-Blood, I don't sleep. Insomnia's a bitch, but it's nothing less than I expected. I transform and climb onto the roof, savouring the feel of the wind rushing pat my ears. I lie down and end up dozing off, and when I wake I've detransformed, Tikki snoozing softly beside me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for joining me on this wonderful journey that we all know will probably never end because I suck at updating! Thank you!

Dad drives me to school. We don't talk; I think I'm too nervous for anything more than a whimper to come out of my mouth, and Dad's been shut up inside himself for over a year now. The silence is uncomfortable, but neither of us attempt to break it.

I hop out of the car and don't say good bye. He drives off.

Everything has already been sorted out, regarding my school work. They decided that whilst I'd missed an entire year of school, I wasn't that behind, so I don't have to take the year again. Instead, I'm starting back with the one I missed. I already had my timetable emailed to me, along with the summer work.

I have nothing to delay me. I go straight to form.

There's only one other person in the room when I arrive. He introduces himself as Jason, and says, "You're Nico, right?"

I say, "Yes," in a way that is all too grumpy (nerves) and hope I haven't offended him.

He says, "Cool. We went to the same kindergarten."

If he went to the same kindergarten as me, does that mean he remembers- no, he can't. It was a long time ago. Then again, he remembers me...

"Are you nervous?" he asks, probably trying to make conversation. "I was in your position last year, and I know I definitely was. Don't worry, though, they're all really friendly here, and- Hey, Percy! How've you been?"

Jason looks over my shoulder as someone else walks into the room. I turn around.

"Jason!" Percy says, but he trails off as he sees me. We're stuck in this uncomfortable sort of staring match, me daring him to ask, to say _anything_ , him looking more shocked than anything else.

Percy was _there_.

I didn't know he went to Half-Blood. No one told me.

I don't hate him.

Much.

It was his fault.

"Nico," he says, barely more than a whisper. He clears his throat and continues, "It's good to see you."

I grunt and shrug my shoulders, breaking the stare. I find a seat and don't listen as Jason starts talking again, probably something like, "Do you know him?"

Percy wouldn't say anything. I hope.

The rest of form passes uneventfully. I don't recognise anyone else, and no one else recognises me. Thankfully.

My first lesson after that is Latin. It's not a bad thing to have first - I've always been pretty good at languages.

I sit next to a guy with blond hair, but I don't see much of his face. At least, not to start with, when I'm trying to avoid conversation, but then he twists around to face me and says, "I'm Will. Who are you?"

I look up at his face, ready with my reply, but it gets lost somewhere in my throat as I see him.

He has blond hair, yes, but it's riddled with streaks of gold and honey. It's tied in a stubby ponytail at the base of his neck, and little curls are escaping to frame his face. His eyes are pale blue but not icy, his nose is one of them cute ones that turns up at the end, and his lips-

He's smiling, and it lights up the whole room. He's beautiful.

He says something, but I don't hear. It takes me a few moments to break myself out of my reverie.

He says it again. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"No," I say. Although he might - Dad and I were in the local newspaper after Bianca died. But Will can't know that.

"No, I do," Will persists. "I recognise you from somewhere."

"No you don't."

"I do, and I'm going to find out where. Maybe you could start me off in the right place by telling me your name."

I blush. I'd been so busy staring at his face that I hadn't answered him.

"Nico," I blurt. "Nico di Angelo."

Will taps his chin and looks thoughtful for a few seconds, exaggerating him movements. "Hmm. Nope, I don't recognise the name. I think I'd remember if I did." Then he gasps and says, "Hey, wait, you're the new guy, aren't you?"

I nod, slowly.

"Awesome! Why did you transfer?"

I don't answer him, instead staring stonily at the desk in front of me.

"Right, personal question, sorry." He nudges me with his elbow. "Hey, I'm sure you'll love it here. Just so long as you don't get Mrs Dodds as your math teacher."

I look up. He grins at me and winks.

_Gods help me now._

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. People give me weird looks in the halls. I eat lunch alone. I don't see Beautiful Will again, which is probably for the best, and I don't see Percy again, which is... also probably for the best.

I do see Jason again, though. He's in my sport class. We stick together because he's the only person I know in the class and he's kind of clingy, and because we both hate sport. Well, he hates sport, I hate exercising in front of people.

Jason is nice. Like, really nice. Sweet. He's a good person to hang out with, and he cares a lot about everything. It's exhausting.

I get home and take a nap. Then, I transform.

I never really know where I'm going when I go out like this. Usually, I run along the rooves of city, seeing if there's anything that particularly needs my attention. Tonight, a gang of bullies crowd around a curled-up form on the ground in an abandoned park a few blocks from my house.

I drop down from a tree into the centre of the circle, standing over the guy on the floor.

"What's going on here?" My voice is low.

"Who the fuck are you, twink?" One of the bullies asks. I guess my whole bright red polka-dot costume thing makes me look a bit out of place next to this vacant swing set.

I don't know which one spoke, so I ignore it. I help the guy on the floor up. His face is pretty beat up, but I can't do anything about that.

"Go," I say. He doesn't need telling twice. Everyone else is too shocked to react. I watch as he leaves, but my gaze catches on movement in the trees.

I blink, and it's gone. I can't dwell on that now.

I turn back to the gang. They've bunched together, each of them six feet tall with more fat than a Big Mac.

"Seven on one," I say. "Hardly seems fair."

"We'll beat your skinny ass into tomorrow." It sounds like the same voice as before, but it could have been any of them.

I shrug. Then I explode.

They honestly don't know what's hit them. I don't seriously harm any of them, but I do hit hard enough to knock a couple of them out. The rest of them run away in fear.

Ha. Not so confident now, huh?

I stop for a few seconds, catching my breath. I almost don't hear the shuffle behind me.

Almost.

I've got him pinned on the ground before my thoughts can catch up. I look down in the half-light of dusk, and what I see makes my breath catch in my throat.

I let him up, slowly. He holds his hands up, still wary.

"Who are you?" I ask.

Because he's like _me_.

He's dressed in all black, a skin-tight full-body Spandex suit and a mask covering his face. His mask has ears. So not fair.

I say, "You're a cat."

He says, "And you're... a ladybug?" There's laughter in his voice.

"So what?" He can't make fun of me, he's got a tail.

"Oh no no - I wasn't laughing- I mean, I kind of was, who came up with these things?" He gestures to his suit, then to mine.

I snort.

"I- where did you learn to fight like that?" he asks. "I thought when I got these powers the ability to fight would come with it, but... I can't do much, actually."

"When did you get your miraculous?" I ignore his question, because I don't know how to tell him my dad had me and Bianca taught martial arts when we were younger without telling him who I am.

"I don't know. A few months ago?" So he definitely has a miraculous, then. He's not just lost on his way home from comic con.

I shrug. "Same."

There's an awkward silence. I want to ask him so many questions, like _w_ _hy do you think we got these powers_ and _how long will we have them for_ and _did you actually get any information in your package_ and _who are you, when you're not being a superhero_ , but he probably can't answer any of them, so I stay quiet.

"Hey," he says. "Do you think you could teach me? How to fight, I mean. I think it might be useful."

"Wait, you want _me_? To teach _you_?" If he knew me in the real world he'd probably stay far away from me. People do.

 _Not now_ , I tell myself. I've started a new life now, one where no one knows my past, where no one looks at me with pitying eyes.

"Yes?" he says.

"Now?"

"Well, um," he says. "Some other time. Whenever suits you."

"Now suits me." Dad never expects me home. It's not like I have anywhere else to be.

"Oh. Okay, then."

We both stay where we are. I'm not really sure how to start, or what to do with my hands, or how to even be a teacher.

"Um, should I..." he asks.

"We shouldn't need stamina practice," I say. "We're stronger with our powers."

"Yeah," he says.

"Okay, let's start with your form." I step up to him, standing in a fighting stance. "Stand like this..."

After that, it's easy to forget myself, rehearsing the lessons I learnt as a child, moving him into position. Shoulders here, chin up, feet apart. He's a good learner.

We stop only when it's too dark to see our hands in front of us.

"Tomorrow," I say. "Same place."

He nods, his chest heaving.

We fall into another silence, neither of us wanting to be the first to leave. I can hear his breath. I wring my hands. He shuffles his feet. His breathing slows, quietens, until it's nothing.

"I thought I was the only one," he says all at once.

"Me too."

I nod, he nods. He turns and leaves, I stand in the same place, staring until I can't see him any more.

I'm not sure if this is the friend Hazel was talking about.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day at school, the guy in the cat suit is all I can think about. I go through the morning in a daze, only interacting with people when I absolutely have to.

Beautiful Will smiles at me three times in Latin. Directly at me.

So, on second thoughts, I only think about the guy in the cat suit and Will.

I eat lunch with Jason and his friends, Leo and Piper.

"This is Nico," he tells them. I smile (grimace).

"Wait," Leo says. He's small and his voice hasn't quite broken yet. His eyes which are already impossibly big widen even further. "Nico as in, _the_ Nico? Di Angelo Nico? The one who-"

"Yeah, that one, Leo, shut up." Jason gives Leo a pointed look that I don't understand.

Piper smiles at me, kind of sickly sweet. "We've heard so much about you, Nico."

I blanch. That doesn't sound promising, but they haven't turned on their counsellor mode yet, so I might be safe. "You have?" I ask.

"Yeah, everyone's been buzzing about the cute new guy over the last twenty four hours."

I choke, spitting out some of my sandwich. Embarrassed, I wipe at my mouth with my sleeve, but Piper just smiles at me. It's warm and friendly, but it's not a Will smile.

"I- um," I say, eloquently.

"I'm just teasing," she says, then she turns to Leo and starts talking about something that happened in her English Lit class.

I finish my lunch in silence, feeling Jason's gaze burn into the side of my head. I'm too anxious to ask him what it's for.

The events of lunch have left me even more dazed than I was before. Twice I'm called on in class and the teacher has to repeat the question. Usually I wouldn't mind, but each time they don't make fun of me or yell, instead they give me pitying, I-know-your-sister-died-so-I'm-going-to-let-you-off looks.

After History, Dr Athena pulls me over and gives me 'the talk'.

"I know the past year has been hard for you," she says. "If you feel that you're struggling with work or need some help, just ask."

"Thanks," I say. "I don't think it will be necessary." And then I run out of the room.

The teachers all know about Bianca. It's not ideal, but at least I don't have the whispers following me down the corridors like I would if the students knew as well.

Dad takes me home in the car again. I'm still not ready to brave the bus.

"Hazel is coming round," he says as we pull onto the drive. He doesn't expect a reply, so I don't give one.

She's already there when we come in. She rushes up to me and pulls me into a hug which is all too huge for someone her size. It's not suffocating, though: Hazel's the only person that can touch me without making me feel uncomfortable now that Bianca's gone.

We grab some snacks and head up to my room. The food is for her. I don't eat much nowadays.

She keeps shooting me looks. Once we're sat down, I snap, "What, Hazel." I feel bad, especially now that she's directing an even more pitying look because of it.

"I'm worried about you, Nico. You look tired."

"School was great, thanks. I ate lunch with other people. There's a guy in my Latin class who I can't fucking control myself around. My-"

"Nico."

"- teachers all give me depressing looks and pull me over at the end of class to 'talk' to me."

"Nico."

"I have homeroom with Percy."

"Ni- wait, he goes to Half-Blood?"

"Yep. He does. Nice of the universe to let me know, wasn't it?"

"I- I'm sorry, Neeks. Is it really that bad?"

I don't know what to say to that. Everyone expects it to be bad, everyone expects me to break any second like I'm a timed bomb, especially Hazel who knows what it was like for the few days I went back to Jupiter High after Bianca. But really, it's not.

Yeah, there's the teachers, and yeah, there's Percy, but it's not _bad_. It's not good. It just is.

Seeing that I don't have an answer to her question, Hazel changes the topic.

"So... The guy in your Latin? The one you can't control yourself around? What's he like?"

I groan. I should have known she would pick up on him.

"He's nothing. He's just a guy."

"Nico, you're smiling."

I frown, deliberately. "No I'm not."

"You totally were! What does he look like?"

"Well - I don't know, really," I lie. "He has blond hair. And blue eyes." And his teeth have this tiny gap at the front, so small you almost miss it. And he has freckles and moles all over his skin and his hands are always moving and his voice tastes like honey and sunshine.

"Don't run away from your feelings, Neeks. He could be good for you. Don't look at me like that. You know I'm right."

Hazel knows. Bianca knew. They both said it was fine, but somehow I'm not convinced.

I remember the conversation with Bi.

 _"Bianca?"_ I was twelve. _"What am I meant to feel for girls? Can you teach me?"_

_She laughs. "You don't have to feel things for girls, Neeks."_

_"What about boys?" I ask.  
_

_"You can feel whatever you want, whatever you are feeling. It's okay."_

_"I'm gay, Bianca."_

_"So am I."_

Her girlfriend, Zoe, died next to her. They were crushed by a fallen beam, messing about in an abandoned warehouse.

"I'm sorry that I made you sad, Nico."

"Huh? Oh." I bring up a hand to wipe away my tears. Then, I look at my clock.

"Shit." I'm late for meeting the cat guy. Hazel distracted me. "Hazel, sorry, I- I need to go somewhere. I've got somewhere to be. Do you mind if I-"

"Where?" she says, grinning. "Do you have a date?"

"Uh." I need to throw her off my track. "Yes. I-" I bring my hands up to my chin, then bring them down into my lap "-uh, I have a date. Which I'm late for. Can I go now?"

"Only if you tell me all the details when you get back." She's grinning still.

"Uh. Sure. Bye!"

I'm not sure how I'm going to get out of this one.

I wait until I'm out of site from my house before I transform. Then, I run.

When I get there, he's waiting on a park bench.

"You're late," he says, standing up.

"Yeah. Sorry. I got caught up."

"Hey, are you okay? You sound-"

Shit, he can tell I've been crying. Shit. I resist the urge to wipe away more tears. There aren't even any there, and even if there were, he wouldn't be able to see them through the mask.

"I'm fine." It comes out gruff and angry. "Shall we start?"

Thankfully, he drops it.

We go through what we did yesterday to start, then I move him onto some more complicated stuff. But it's not the same, and we can both feel it. I'm sloppy; I can't concentrate, can't lose myself.

After about half an hour, he stops me. "Should we quit for tonight?"

I want to tell him that I'm fine, tell him he's imagining things, but I can't bring myself to lie. "I- yeah, okay. We can try again tomorrow. Same place?"

"Doesn't this feel a bit open to you? Shouldn't we go somewhere a bit more closed off?"

"Do you have any suggestions?"

"Well, I know this abandoned warehouse uptown, we could-"

"No." I know that place, too.

"Oh- okay. I guess here will do."

He seems put off, but I don't have the energy to continue. "Okay. Same time. I'll see you then."

I don't wait for his reply.

 

* * *

 

 

"So," Hazel says, smiling from ear to ear. "How'd it go?"

"Can we not talk about it?" My voice is small. We're sitting cross-legged on my bed, a bowl of chips between us.

Her smile goes immediately. "Oh no. How bad was it?"

"Hazel, please." I look down.

"Come on, Neeks, you're upset. I want to know how to make you feel better."

I sigh. "It wasn't him, okay? It was me. I was in a shitty mood and it showed, so we decided it would probably be best to try again some other time. Happy?"

"I'm sorry." She pauses. "Who was he? Was it the guy from Latin?"

Shit. What can I say? That it was him? What if he finds out? And if it wasn't him, who was it?

"No," I say hesitantly.

"Nico, you're a terrible liar. What does it matter if it was him? He sounds really nice, from what you've said."

"Can you please just drop it?" I don't mean for my voice to go that loud. It just happens.

I immediately feel bad, but I don't have the energy to right myself. I flop back onto the covers, facing away from Hazel.

I feel her arm drape around my shoulder, but she doesn't say anything. It's comforting, and sleep begins to pull me in as she strokes my arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This just in! The next chapter might have some actual plot woah


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I updating so fast? Hayley Kiyoko, Troye Sivan and tea, my friends. Also, a few thousand assignments due next week and an unhealthy habit of procrastinating until the very last minute. Enjoy the rush of updates while you can - pretty soon I'm probably going to realise that homework is slightly more important and completely lose my rhythm.
> 
> Trigger warning for mild mentions of self harm, it's not much but just to be safe skip out the stuff in between "Hazel, I'm fine. Are you sure you're okay?" and "Do you think he's gone?" if you need to.

I wake up feeling unnaturally refreshed. Hazel is snoozing softly beside me. I move carefully so I don't wake her.

I take a shower, washing away the residual feelings from yesterday. I'm kind of embarrassed about how I acted around Cat Guy last night, but I at least I have a chance to apologise today.

As I towel dry my hair, I hear movements downstairs, and a faint yelp of pain that sounds decidedly female.

 _Hazel_.

I run out of the bathroom. I'm halfway down the stairs before I realise the buzzing in my ear isn't nerves: Tikki's hovering next to my head.

"Tikki, what are you doing?" I hiss, low enough that no one else will hear.

"You need to transform," he says. "Something weird is going on, Nico - your father is acting strange. I think he's been possessed."

"Are- are you being serious?" I don't think I believe him. Then, Hazel (or whoever else is down there) yells again, and I know I don't have time to doubt Tikki.

"Tikki, spots on." I'm still whispering, worried that someone will notice, even though I'm the only one here.

The transformations are always quick, but this time it feels like it's taking forever. As soon as it's done, I leap down the rest of the stairs and run into the kitchen.

Someone's standing by the sink, his back to me. His shape looks familiar, but I don't recognise his hair. Then, he turns round to face me, and I realise it's my dad.

Except for it's not. He's wearing strange clothes, not dissimilar to mine; he's in a tight suit, and has a thin strip of fabric covering half of his face.

And he's got Hazel in his arms.

I have to stop myself from running to her, calling her name. I have to stop myself from asking my dad what he's doing.

As Ladybug, I don't recognise these people.

"Give me your miraculous," Dad growls, his voice almost unrecognisable. _Huh, why would he want them?_

"Give me the girl," I counter. The mask hides my voice, so he shouldn't recognise me.

"Who are you?" Hazel says, before Dad clamps his hand over her mouth. The way he's holding her against his body sends shivers down my spine.

"The miraculous for the girl." He tightens his grip. Hazel whimpers, tears filling her eyes.

"You don't want to give me the girl?" I ask. I don't know why he wants my miraculous, but he doesn't seem like the friendly type to help me find out exactly what I am, so I'm not going to give it to him. "What a shame."

I go for Hazel first. I grab her out of his arms, hoping the element of surprise will be enough for him to let go. It is.

"Run, Hazel!" I yell without thinking. She pauses and gives me a strange look, one that I know well. Why did I use her name? "Run!"

Thankfully, this time she does. She goes upstairs. I hear a door slamming and the click of a lock.

"Just you and me now, buddy," I say to my dad. He just growls again.

Our kitchen is quite small, so it's difficult to fight him without breaking anything. I use that to my advantage, grabbing utensils to help me. Tikki flies around my head, giving me tips.

"Steal his mask!" he yells. I don't know how he knows what to do, but he must know more than me, so I follow his orders.

It's not easy. Dad's half a foot taller than me. I have to jump on his back and reach round to grab the mask from his face. He grabs my wrist and flings me onto the worktop; I grunt in pain.

He stalks over to me, leaning over, grabbing for my ears. I roll out of the way, reaching up as I do.

 _Got it!_ It rips in half with the force I use to take it from his face. A purple butterfly flutters out as the strips of fabric fall to the floor. My dad slumps onto the table, unmoving.

"Your yo-yo!" Tikki shouts. "Catch the akuma in your yo-yo!"

I assume the akuma is the butterfly. I swing the yo-yo (which was on my belt, I'd wondered what it was for) at the akuma, and it disappears.

"Now open it."

I do, running my index finger down the middle of the red and black surface. A white moth flies out, heading for the open window.

Suddenly, my dad stands up, holding out a palm towards me. He's back in his usual morning clothes - moth-bitten tartan pyjama bottoms and an old white t-shirt.

"Who are you?" he demands, his voice back to normal. "Why are you in my kitchen?"

He clearly doesn't remember anything. Somehow, that butterfly possessed him.

I need to have a serious talk with Tikki. And maybe Cat Guy, to see if he knows anything about it.

"I'm Miraculous Ladybug," I say, coming up with a name on the spot. "I just saved your life."

Then, I run out of the house.

I have to de transform in the back yard and climb in through the bathroom window. Someone's knocking on the door. I open it, and Hazel falls into my arms.

"Nico, you're safe!" She's been crying. I wrap my arms around her.

"Hazel? What's wrong?"

"You- you'll never believe what happened!" Her speech is broken and breathy. Her heart is racing against my chest.

"Hazel, it's okay. We're safe." I pull out of the hug and hold her at arms' length, looking into her eyes.

"Your-" she hiccups twice, then takes a deep breath. "Your dad was in the kitchen, but he wasn't your dad. He was- he was weird, he didn't recognise me. He grabbed me, and then, then this guy in a red costume thing came down the stairs and started fighting him- Nico, I'm just so glad you're safe. I couldn't hear the shower, I don't know, I thought you'd-"

"Hazel, I'm fine. Are you sure you're okay?"

She takes my hands in hers. Hers are so tiny they don't fit properly. "I'm a bit shaken up, but I'm fine physically. The red guy saved me. Nico, he knew my name, don't you think that's a bit- Wait, Nico, is that blood on you hands?"

Shit. I'd forgotten to wash them after the fight.

"Nico, are you- are you cutting again?" She frantically pulls up my sleeves, then sighs in relief to see only old scars.

"I, uh, scratched myself in the shower." I cringe, Hazel's right - I'm a terrible liar. She's too shaken up to hold onto it, though.

"Do you think he's gone?" she asks, gesturing to the stairs behind us.

I still, pretending to listen for movement. "I can't hear anything. I think we're okay."

"I'm scared," Hazel says, her eyes falling to the floor.

"Don't worry, Hazel, you're with me." I try to make it into a joke, but it falls flat in the heavy atmosphere. "If he's still down there, I'll punch him. I won't let him hurt you again."

The corner of her mouth lifts in a half smile, but it falls again as she sniffs. She looks at her watch. "Shit. We're late for school."

"Are you sure you want to go today?" I ask. "We could stay here."

She shrugs. "I just want to forget about it. I think I need to go to school. I need the routine."

"If you're sure," I say. "I'll get Dad to give us a lift."

"Wait- Nico!" she calls after me as I head down the stairs. "What if he's still-" She breaks off as she sees Dad coming up the stairs, back to normal. "-Weird," she finishes, trailing off.

"Hazel, are you ready to go?" he asks.

"I just- I'll just get my bag," she says, and heads back into my room.

 

* * *

 

 

I slip into Latin fifteen minutes late, trying not to disturb the lesson too much. Chiron, the teacher, gives me the pity look as I mutter, "Sorry. I overslept."

When I sit down, Will whispers to me, "Where were you? I thought I was gonna be left all alone."

I look up at his face, ready to tell him he has thirty other people in this class to be with, but it dies on my tongue. He's got an expression of mock dejection on his face, bottom lip sticking out and eyelids fluttering. Despite myself, I grin, then blush and look down. "I'm here now," I say. Then, "I've had a weird morning."

"Tell me about it," he says, utterly serious.

 _Well, first, I woke up feeling better than I have in two years, then my dad tried to capture my cousin, so I had to transform into my superhero alternate self to fight him and destroy the butterfly that possessed him. Thanks for asking._ I look at him. He's actually waiting for an answer.

"It was just... weird." Way to go, Nico.

I really need to work on my lying skills.

"If you say so," Will says, smiling at me. "Hey, do you want to hang out at lunch?"

"I- uh," I stutter. I wasn't expecting that. I don't know what to say - half of me is chanting _yes, yes_ , the other half running through the never-ending list of reasons why it would be a terrible idea. Also - is Jason expecting me to eat lunch with him and his friends again today? I'm not entirely sure what the protocol is for these situations.

"I have to- I have somewhere else to be. Sorry."

"Ah, not to worry," he says. "Maybe some other time."

Yeah, maybe.

 

* * *

 

 

I don't get to eat lunch with Jason (or Will, for that matter) anyway, because Chiron gets possessed just like my dad was this morning.

It's been a weird day.

I'm walking to the cafeteria when I first hear the screams. Then, a bunch of students come running down the corridor, followed by my Latin teacher, out of his wheelchair and walking like he's been doing it his whole life. He too has a strange suit on. His is black like my father's, but it looks slightly more like his work suit, and he doesn't have a mask on.

I rush into the nearest bathroom, making sure no one else is in there before I let Tikki out of my bag and hurriedly transform.

I come out, and Evil-Chiron is still stalking down the corridor. I'm halfway towards him before I realise someone is running next to me.

I look round, and almost stop dead.

"You're here," I say, my eyebrows shooting up beneath my mask.

"I could say the same to you, Ladybug," the cat guy says.

There's no time to think. "It's time to put those lessons into action," I say as we run side by side.

The hallways have cleared by the time we reach Chiron.

"Give me your miraculous," he says once we're in earshot, in the exact same voice Dad used this morning.

"Try and tie him down!" I yell to Cat Guy as I look all over to find what could be hiding the evil butterfly this time. With Dad, it was the mask, but Chiron doesn't have a mask - wait, is that a bracelet on his wrist? It must be in there.

"Grab the bracelet!" I shout, reaching for it myself. But Evil-Chiron is strong - he must get powers from the butterfly (maybe they're _kwami_ s, like Tikki?) - and he swats Cat Guy out of the way. He flies across the corridor, hitting the wall and slumping to the floor.

I almost rush over to help him, but I have to focus on de-evilising Chiron. I try the same trick that I tried this morning - jump on his back. As he swings his arms around his head, trying to fling me off, I grab his wrist and pull at the bracelet.

As soon as I have a hold on it, I try and break it. It takes a bit of effort - too much, and I lose my grip on Chiron's neck. I slide to the floor, but I manage to break the bracelet in half, a single wooden bead flying off and rolling away.

I was right. One of those purple butterflies flutters out. I catch it in my yo-yo, just like before.

Once the white butterfly has flown away, I run over to Cat Guy. He's managed to sit up, but he's clutching his side.

"Is it- Are you hurt?" I ask, gesturing to his hands.

"No, I think I'm okay," he says, putting his hands on the floor to push himself up.

"We need to talk," I say.

"Yeah, we do," he agrees. "But not here. Not now."

"After-" I stop myself from saying _after school_ \- he doesn't know I go to school here. "Same time as yesterday. Same place."

Together, we turn to face Chiron. He's currently sat on the floor - his wheelchair is probably in his office, and he has no way of getting there.

"I'll be right back," I say to him. Then, I give Cat Guy one last smile which he can't see under my mask.

When I get back with the chair, Cat Guy is gone, and there's a faint beeping in my ears. I ignore it and help Chiron into his chair.

"You need to change back," Tikki says from where he's perched on my shoulder. "Your miraculous needs time to recharge."

I didn't know they needed recharging. I guess I've overused it, what with this morning and now. I run out the back door, behind the storage unit, to change back.

I'm so busy making sure no one saw me de transform as I round the corner into the main quad that I don't see Beautiful Will until I've walked into him.

"Woah, there," he says, pushing me back. "Oh, it's you."

I'm too embarrassed to do anything more than blush.

"So this is what you were doing this lunchtime? Hiding behind the storage unit?" He pokes his head round the corner. "Alone?"

I blush harder, my shoulders creeping up to my ears. "No- I was- I..."

"Nico, don't worry, I'm only teasing."

I sigh in relief, but my heart is still racing.

"Hey-" Will says, but he's interrupted by Jason shouting, "Nico, there you are! You'll never guess what just went down in the purple corridor!" He slows down as he nears me and Will. "Oh, hey, Solace."

 _Sol-ace_. I have to stop myself from mouthing the name. It's so pretty.

"Nico, did you know this town has not one, but _two_ of our own superheroes? And they were just here, in our own school? How awesome is that?"

I glance up at Will involuntarily; he glances down at me too. We look away so quick I'm not sure it even happened.

_Is it just me, or is Will blushing?_

"We do?" I ask Jason, trying to keep my voice neutral. "First I've heard of them."

"Yeah, I've never seen them before," Will agrees.

"You mean you didn't see anything just now? Where have you two been all lunch? Everyone's talking about it." Jason looks genuinely confused, before something dawns on him.

"Wait," he says, pointing to the two of us, then behind us to the back of the storage unit. "You two weren't..."

"What?" I choke. "No. Jason, eww."

Will's laughing hard, Jason too. I cross my arms and frown at the two of them, bent in half, hoping my blush isn't too obvious.

"Guys," I say. "Seriously."

"What's going on here?" Piper asks. Her and Leo snuck up behind us without me realising.

"These two," I say, "Are a fucking menace."

"So you've met the Solace-Grace super duo?" Leo sniggers. "Yeah, it's best to stay out of their way when they're together."

 _Solace-Grace_. "They sound like a Disney princess team."

"Or, like, angels or something," Leo adds.

Jason and Will had stopped laughing, but at that, they both crack up again.

"Maybe Jason and Will are the town's new superheroes," Piper says. "Maybe these-" she points between the two of them "-are just their alter egos."

Will winks. "You never know," he says. "I do autographs, but only when I'm dressed up. You'll have to catch me next time." He winks again, this time directly at me.

He's obviously joking, but he says it completely seriously, in a way that I've already come to associate with him after knowing him just three days.

"We should probably head back to class," Piper says as Jason calms down from yet another fit of laughter. "Catch you later, Will. Nico." She smiles her sickly sweet smile at us as her, Leo and Jason walk away.

Will smiles at me, too.

"I should- um," I say, cursing myself for my inability to form actual sentences when I'm around him. Stupid, stupid.

"Yeah. I should, um, too," Will says, grinning.

I squint. "Are you mocking me?"

"I would absolutely never do that, Nico. You know that." But he's still grinning, flashing me those wonderful teeth, and there's laughter in his voice. I can't help but smile too.

We walk to the science rooms together. He tells me he has biology, so I leave him at the bottom floor and head up to the chemistry floor above.

"See you, Nico," he says.

I wait until he's out of sight to let my smile take over my face.

 

* * *

 

 

"What happened at that school today," I say. "With the school teacher. A similar thing happened this morning, with... with someone else."

I'm sitting on the park bench with Cat Guy, who told me to call him Chat Noir, because that's "way more sophisticated than 'Cat Guy', Milady."

_"Milady?"_

_"Get it? Because you're a ladybug. No? Okay, I'll think of something else."_

"There was the butterfly and everything. Each time they were held in a different accessory. I don't really understand what's going on, but I think there's some higher power at work here."

"You could be right," he says. "It could explain why we got our miraculous when we did."

"Do you think it means there are others out there?"

"I think that if your 'higher power' theory is correct, he - or she, I guess - _they_ might be more powerful that you or me."

"No, I mean, others like us. Maybe there's a whole team of us, meant to defeat the bad guy."

Chat Noir snorts. "We're literally living a teen superhero movie."

 _So he's a teenager too_ , I think. He realises what he's just said, and wipes a hand over his masked face.

"I probably shouldn't have said that."

I don't say anything.

"Why are we hiding who we are, though?" he asks.

I don't even have to think about it. "Can you imagine what would happen if we did tell anyone? I'm assuming you're in high school too - you know what kids are like, we'd never get a second of peace. I don't know about you, but I think that would be too much for most people to handle."

He sighs. "I guess you're right. But from each other? It could be easier for us if we knew who we are. Or at least each other's phone numbers, so we can communicate. If you hadn't been there today, I don't think I'd be here right now."

I don't know what to say. He's making sense, but the thought of telling him who I am makes my stomach churn. I couldn't face high school for an entire year - what kind of superhero am I? When I'm not Ladybug, who am I? Just a kid with a dead sister and a dad who doesn't know how to love him.

Chat Noir puts his hand on my shoulder. "Hey, we don't have to tell each other. But I do think we should have some way of talking. Set up new gmail accounts, or something."

"I guess. We could have the emails come straight into our phones, so we'd always have them on us."

I feel something on my lap. I look down, and Tikki's pulling on my thumb.

"I have something better," he says. "Ladybug, your yo-yo isn't just for the akumas. I'm sure it has a contacting device in it."

Chat Noir looks down at Tikki, then down at his own kwami. It's a small, black cat with large green eyes.

"Ladybug, meet Plagg," he says.

"Tikki," I say, gesturing to my own kwami.

Plagg points to a ring I hadn't noticed before on Chat Noir's finger. "I think Ladybug's communication system links up to your ring, Chat. Try it out!"

I open my yo-yo, running my finger along the top of it like I do when I'm freeing the butterflies. I don't really know how it works, so I decide to talk into it and see how it goes.

"Ladybug calling," I say. Shit, that was lame.

A faint sound comes from Chat Noir's ring. "It works!" he says.

"Now you try," Plagg says. "Talk into your ring."

He does, and it comes out on my end. " _Milady_."

I groan. "Really? You can't think of anything better?"

"I like it," he says. I can hear the grin in his voice, even if I can't see it under his mask. "It has a nice ring to it."

"Shut up," I say, but I'm grinning too.

We sit there in a few moments of comfortable silence. I put my yo-yo away, back on my belt.

"So what do you think we should do?" Chat Noir says, after a while. "Should we go looking for the all-powerful butterfly charmer? Or should we look for any others like us?"

"I don't think we should look for things if we're not even sure they exist. Maybe we should just let things play out. And practice our fighting." I give him a pointed look, but I'm not sure he gets it from under our masks.

I have a sudden thought. "Hang on, both of the people who were possessed asked for our miraculous. It could be that they'll only appear where we are. Maybe that's all they want."

"You might be right," Chat Noir says. "In that case, we should definitely let things play out. We need to be prepared for anything, though - we need our communication systems on us at all times."

That should be easy for him - his ring is his miraculous, he always has it on him. I'm not sure where my yo-yo goes when I de transform.

"Do you think we can do that? I ask Tikki.

"Sure!" he says. "If Chat Noir calls you, I'll relay the message."

"It's sorted, then."

"How will we find out what they want, though?" I ask. "When we find another akumatised person - how do we know they'll tell us what we want?"

"We don't. We'll just have to hope. And if not, we'll find another way."

He sounds so sure. Somehow, I can't catch on to his enthusiasm.

I stand up. "It's getting late. I should- um." I don't know what I'm saying. I turn away.

"Yeah. I should, um, too," Chat Noir says.

I whip my head round. Is he- is he mocking me?

_Does he see the connection?_

Could he be...?

No, I tell myself. No.

I turn back and head home, almost forgetting to change back before I walk through the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos, they're always appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are going to be a bit slow both in updating and actual events that happen in them because I suck at relationships. "So why are you writing fanfiction then" huh maybe I don't know

We're all over the morning news.

 _This_ is why I don't want anyone to know who I am.

"With the rise of these new identities," the newsreader says as a crappy phone-filmed video plays in the background, "comes a whole world of questions. Who are these two heroes? Are there more of them? Are we right to call them heroes, or did we misinterpret the fight? Stay tuned for more updates on the Ladybug and the Black Cat, as people all over the internet are calling them."

Hazel is texting me frantically.

 

_Look at the news!!!!_

_The guy from yesterday morning is here!!_

_And he's got a friend!!!_

 

 _They were at my school yesterday lunch,_ I text back. _I saw them._

 

_Oh my gosh you're so lucky!!_

_Did you get to talk to them?_

 

_Yes, Hazel. We had a riveting conversation about global warming whilst they were, you know, defeating evil and all that_

_Of course I didn't._

 

_Who do you think they are?_

_Do you think they have secret identities?_

_Do you think we know them in real life?_

 

 _I don't know,_ I text. I need to get her to stop talking - it's okay here, behind a phone screen, but if she wants to talk about it face to face, I don't know how long I'll be able to lie to her for.

_I talked to Will again yesterday._

 

_Oooooh_

_Date Will?_

_Beautiful Will?_

 

 _Yeah, that one._ I'm not sure this idea is any better.

 

_How did it go? Did you sort stuff out with him?_

 

_Yeah, kind of. Turns out he's friends with the other people I've been hanging out with._

 

_I'm so excited for you!!!!_

 

I smile to myself, putting my phone down as I finish eating my slice of toast. Hazel's enthusiasm is catching, and it's hard not to picture an alternate life where me and Will are dating.

 _Pull yourself together_ , I tell myself. It would never work. He's probably not even gay.

Then again, there's the winks and smiles and little conversations we have. Does that happen between just friends? Are we even friends?

God, I sound like a preteen girl. _What are we, Will?_

_What are we?_

 

* * *

 

 No one gets much work done at school. Even the teachers are buzzing - no one seems to be able to drop the topic of the superheroes, not even Chiron, who I'd thought would want to forget about the experience as soon as possible. He's still a bit dazed, unsurprisingly.

Will is the only one who's acting relatively normal. I would say it's a blessing, but he's directing all his energy at me (I don't want to talk about it either, obviously) so I'm not sure.

"Hey, did you get a translation for this bit?" he asks, leaning over to point at something in my book. I find myself breathing in his scent. He smells of lemongrass and the night.

 _Snap out of it._ "I- uh, something about Salvius and Rufilla? I think she's his wife."

"Huh." Will nods and turns back to his own book. I try not to miss the warmth of him leaning against my arm.

"Did you see the video?" he says, suddenly turning to face me again.

"Of course," I say, twisting to look up at him. "It was on the local news this morning."

"Yeah, it was." He takes a deep breath, looking into my eyes like he's trying to find something there. "Who do you think they were? Sh- The heroes?"

"I don't know," I say, looking down to hide any trace of lie visible on my face. Are we seriously talking about this? "Everyone seems to have their own opinion, though."

"Do you think they go to this school? People are saying that."

"I don't know, Solace, but I think if they did they wouldn't want all these people talking about it." I snap. I don't mean for it to come out like that, I honestly don't, but I don't know how much longer I can spend talking about this without slipping up.

"Yeah- yeah." Will seems put off, his eyebrows scrunched in the middle in a way that is totally _not_ adorable, Nico, get a handle on yourself.

"Sorry."

Will just _hmm_ s distractedly and looks down at the desk.

Will's acting weird. Has he- has he figured something out? Does he recognise me from the video? _Shit_ , was that why he was asking?

Should I ask him about it, or would that raise even more questions?

I decide to keep my mouth shut, and we sit in an uncomfortable silence while the class around us discusses the story we're trying to run away from for the rest of the lesson.

 

* * *

 

 

Nothing out of the ordinary happens for the rest of the day. I wonder almost seriously if Butterfly Charmer is giving us a break - if yesterday was a small display to let us know they're there, and now they're forming a plan on how to take us out completely.

It's not a nice thought, but it's better than the exhaustion I can picture from new attacks every day.

I don't meet up with Chat Noir after school, either. He calls me to say he has something else going on, but we can still meet tomorrow. I stay in, glad for the break.

Tikki flutters around my head as I do my homework. I'm not worried about him being noticed by anyone - Dad never comes into my room any more.

"Tell me about yourself," Tikki says. "We're going to be working together all the time, so it will be useful for me to know about you."

"You already know about me," I say, not looking up.

"Not really. I only know about you as Ladybug. What are you like in your normal life?"

"I go to high school," I offer.

"I know that. I meant the more interesting stuff. Like who is the guy in your Latin class you were telling your cousin about?"

I whip my head round. "Were you listening in on that conversation?" I let some of my anger slip out. He had no right.

"I couldn't help it!" Tikki defends, putting his hands up. "I was in the room!"

"Did she see you?" I demand.

"No, no, don't worry. Your secret is safe."

I growl at him and turn back to my homework.

"So..." He prods, after a few seconds of silence. "The guy?"

I sigh, exasperated. "He's nothing. It's just a crush."

 _Holy crap_. Did I just admit that? Out loud? To a cartoon ladybug, maybe, but still.

"I mean- He's just- I" I stutter, but I can't seem to work out what I want to say. He's not a crush? I don't care about him at all? I want to say that, but it's not the truth. "Leave me alone." But it's shallow, empty.

"What about your cousin? What's she like?"

"Too observant for her own good," I say. "Kind of like someone else I know."

Tikki laughs, then says. "Could that be a problem? Might she be able to tell that you're different now?"

I look up, straight ahead. "I'll just have to learn to lie to her."

Tikki flies round to perch on the shelf above my desk, at eye-level.

"You can tell her, you know," he says. "There's no rules against it."

"Are there any rules about any of this?" I ask, gesturing vaguely in the space between us. The lack of information about my powers is really annoying, if I'm being honest.

"Not really," Tikki says. "I'm not even sure I know why you got your powers in the first place."

"Could it be something to do with the Butterfly Charmer?" It's not his official name, but we've been using it ever since Chat Noir first said it and it kind of stuck.

Tikki sighs. "It must be. I can't think of any other explanation."

"What about-" but I'm not sure how to phrase the question. I have very little knowledge of Tikki before me. "What about the other times you... linked up with people?"

Letting out a dry laugh, Tikki says, "Honestly? They were all insignificant, in the grand scheme of things. You'd expect that us kwamis had something to do with the fall of Rome or the World Wars, but they were caused by humans that didn't need powers to get what they wanted. No, nearly all of the times I've woken up have been so tiny they don't make the history books. I guess that's why we're so unknown."

"So you're saying that whatever the outcome - whether Chat Noir and I win or lose - the impact won't be catastrophic."

"Not entirely. All those other times I was talking about? We won."

I snort. "No pressure, then."

"I'm sure you and Chat Noir will do fine, Nico. No one else had any training either."

"Is that meant to make me feel better?"

Tikki sighs again. "I guess not."

There's a pause. "What do you think we should do, Tikki? Should we go looking for the Butterfly Charmer? Should we let things play out? Should we try our best to ignore it and get on with our lives?" I feel like banging my head against the desk with all this lack of information.

"I think it might be difficult to ignore it," Tikki says. "I don't think the Butterfly Charmer is going to give up that easily - he'll send out more and more akumas until he gets what he wants."

"So we should wait."

"It's probably the best option you have, until you know more. You probably won't have to wait long - he seems to be rushing to get your miraculous."

I sigh and lean back, crossing my arms. Tikki's right, but it seems like we should be doing more - looking for him, trying to find a way to defeat him. Or at least to see what he wants with our miraculous.

It strikes me suddenly how unfair all of this is. I'm just a teenager, just trying to survive high school. I'm not old enough, not experienced enough.

 _Not strong enough_. I don't let myself think it, but it's still there.

When Bianca died, people would say how strong I was, tell me that I was stronger than they could ever be. I think that's half the reason why I left Jupiter.

I get a thought, hard and fast and sharp. _What if I have to kill someone?_ Isn't that part of the job description? In the end, the bad guy has to die, and in the end, it's the good guy who has to kill him.

In the end, the good guy always comes out unscathed.

But what if I went in broken? I can't kill someone - I know what it's like to be the one left behind. And if I can't do my job as the hero, surely that leaves only one other option...

I wonder if Chat Noir worries like I do. I wonder if that boundless charm of his is true, or if it's only skin-deep. I wonder if he was chosen for a reason. If I was chosen for a reason too.

Maybe. Or maybe I was just a random person walking down a random street at a random time, and I just happened to bump into the guy who gave me Tikki.

 _The guy_.

"Tikki!" I gasp, dragging myself out of my thoughts. "Do you remember who had you before I did?"

Tikki, who was snoozing softly on my desk, says, "Do you mean the last Ladybug?"

"No," I say, my mind racing. "Who gave you to me? I need to talk to him."

"I- I don't know. Sorry, Nico. I was in a box."

But I can't give up, can't let go. I've opened my yo-yo and started speaking into it before I remember that Chat Noir is busy tonight.

I guess this is something I have to do by myself, then.

I try to trace my thoughts, find the one which may lead me to whoever gave me these powers. But it was months ago - I can't even picture his face.

I need to retrace my steps, to go back to where we met.

"Pack your bags, Tikki," I say, standing up with a jolt. "We're going on a hunt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I just wanted to get this posted (after my 'break'...) so sorry if it's a pile of shit


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is absolutely not heading in the direction I originally planned, but I think I like this version better.

I probably should have thought this through a bit better. It takes  _a lot_ of effort to find someone when you can't even remember what they look like.

But I don't give up. After I've checked the place and all the surrounding streets, I decide to go home for the night and google it.

I come up empty. There is nothing anywhere on the internet about our miraculous. I type in as many different combinations as possible, but there isn't even a fake theory site that deals with them.

 _Us_. I'm as much a part of this as all the rest of them.

I spend the entire night on google. My sleep schedule doesn't suffer because I don't actually have a sleep schedule - it's all or nothing, for me, and at the moment my mental health is in a relatively good spot.

The hours of searching turn out to be useless, though, as I'm pulled out of homeroom the next morning. The office lady won't tell me anything as we walk the empty corridors, merely saying, "He's a friend of your father's."

This in itself is worrying because my father doesn't have any friends, and even if he did, why would they be coming to see me in the middle of school unless it was serious? I swallow the bile that rises into my throat and walk a little faster, hoping to get whatever it is over with quickly.

I stop dead as soon as we enter the reception area. Because there he is. The man I spent all of last night searching for.

He stands up, leaning heavily on his cane. "Ah, Nico! There you are! I was wondering if we could have a word?"

I'm too shocked to do anything more than nod. He heads us into an empty meeting room across the corridor.

Looking at him now, alone, I wonder how on earth he convinced the lady in the office that he's a family friend. My father is tall and bulky and downright intimidating, and this guy...

He's tiny. If he wasn't already small by nature, his hunched back and dodgy knees make him seem as if he's almost crouching. Plus, he's old and Chinese, and my dad is kind of racist.

The guy sits down on one of the chairs, letting out a heavy breath and resting both his hands on his cane.

I've finally come out of my shock. "What are you doing here?" I snap, not sure if I meant to or not.

"Nico, let me explain..." he starts, but I cut him off.

"No, what the fuck? Seven months, and you don't say a word, then you just turn up at my school and expect me to be fine with that?" I look over my shoulder, realising I'm yelling, but no one opens the door. Even so, I keep my voice down as I continue: "And you didn't give me any information. How is that fair? I'm fifteen, for fuck's sake - who in their right mind would throw this all on a teenager?" _Especially one like me_ , I don't add.

"Nico-" he tries, but I'm on a roll. "And what is the point? What am I meant to do? Do I have to figure everything out by myself? What if I do it wrong? What if I-" I cut off, suddenly realising that what I'm saying makes me sound insecure. Which I am, but he doesn't need to know this.

At least he has the decency to look sorry. "Nico, please just listen."

I swallow, but don't say anything. He takes it as an invitation to continue.

"Many years ago," he begins, "I made a mistake."

"I don't want your backstory," I snap.

"Maybe not," he says calmly. "But it is important. Years ago, I made a mistake, and now I am trying to right it."

He looks at me, maybe for confirmation. I don't give him anything, and he continues, "My family has been tasked with guarding the miraculouses for centuries. My father handed them down to me, and his own father to him, hoping that none of us would ever need to use them.

"I have no children, however, to give these gifts when I am gone, for I am frail and growing old. So, a year ago, I set out to find someone to pass them on to. I found him, and shared with him my family's secrets.

"But this was a mistake. He grew greedy for the power they held, and stole the miraculouses from under my nose, intending to use them all to his own advantage."

"Can you do that?" I ask. "Use them all at once?"

"Yes, unfortunately. Owning all seven miraculouses will give you immense power - power over everything, even life, even death. And this man, heartbroken over a lost love, fell to the dark lull of such power."

"Wait," I say. "Seven? There are seven miraculouses?" I'd known about me and Chat Noir, and possibly a third from the Butterfly Charmer, but I wasn't expecting there to be so many.

"Yes. I managed to reclaim most of them, except for one - the butterfly miraculous. He had already claimed it as his own - it would no longer answer to me."

"The Butterfly Charmer," I curse under my breath.

"He calls himself Hawkmoth," he confirms. "He is dangerous, Nico, which is why I chose to assign the six other _kwami_ s that I own."

There's others out there. More than just me and Chat Noir.

"I gave out the cat and ladybug miraculouses first, as a test. If you and Chat Noir, as I believe he calls himself, were able to master your powers, you could defeat Hawkmoth alone. The two of you are the most powerful."

"But..." I say, hearing that there's more from the tone of his voice.

"But Hawkmoth struck before you were ready. He left me with no other option than to give out the remaining miraculouses. Last night, I assigned four teens, like you and Chat Noir, their _kwami_ s. A fox, a bee, a turtle, and a peacock."

"Who," I say immediately. If I know who they are, I can talk to them, help them through the original phase that I needed help through myself.

"I'm afraid that is not my information to give," he says. "Like you, they want to keep their identities hidden - it is, after all, a lot to put onto the shoulders of a teenager."

 _Yeah, no shit_. "So why us? Why not give them to someone older, some who clearly has more experience?" I let some of my anger slip into my voice. I don't forgive him.

He gives me a look that is almost apologetic, one that says, _I have my reasons, son_. I can't imagine him ever calling me son.

"Fine," I grit out. I look at the clock - five minutes till the end of homeroom. "Why are you here?"

"Here?"

"Why are you in my school? Why now?"

"Ah," he says. "I came here today because it is time to strike. Ladybug, I chose you because I saw you as a natural leader-" I snort "-and because you needed the help. It is your job to rally the other Miraculous powers, to lead them as one to defeat Hawkmoth. You must take back his miraculous."

"How can I rally them if I don't even know who they are?"

"You found Chat Noir, did you not? He will help you. You must find the others."

 _He found me, not the other way round_ , I almost say. Instead, I say, "Is there anything else? I'm going to be late for class."

He sighs and gives me a pitying look. "Just know this, Nico di Angelo. I cannot help you. I am old and frail. After today, you will likely not see me again." He sighs again, as if what he's saying is painful. "I leave you in charge of the miraculouses, Nico, after I die. It will be your responsibility to pass them on for the generations to come."

I suck in a breath so fast I nearly choke. How can he expect me to do this? How can he think I'm good enough? He barely knows me. And what if I fail? What if-

"I know you'll do well, as Ladybug, as a leader. You will succeed. I have faith in you." Almost as if he can read my thoughts.

I turn round, not wanting to hear any more. I'm angry, angry at him for believing in me, angry at myself for not. Angry at my father for not being enough. Angry at Bianca for leaving me in this mess.

"Good luck, Nico," he calls as I stomp out of the room. I growl, far enough that he won't hear me.

It's not till I'm walking down the corridors to Latin that I realise I probably should have asked who Hawkmoth is.

 

* * *

 

 

Will is half an hour late to Latin, which makes me angry at him, too. I have no right to be, but I was counting on him to calm me down after the talk.

Now that I'm out of the room, away from him, all I can think of is the questions I didn't ask. _Who is Hawkmoth? Who are you? Why me?_

Will comes through the door looking sheepish and a little bit flushed. He mumbles a quick apology to Chiron, who tells him to take a seat.

"Where were you?" I hiss.

He shrugs non committedly, muttering something about oversleeping. He doesn't look me in the eye.

I want to scream.

By the end of Latin, I've worked myself up so much that I pretty much destroy everything in my path as I storm out of the room. I'm halfway down the hall before I hear my name being called - Will.

"What do you want?" I snap.

"I- are you in angry at me?"

"Why the fuck would I be angry at you, Solace?" But I hiss it, and he notices.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think me being late would affect you that much," he counters, his voice taking on a hard edge. I want this conversation to be over, right now, just so that I don't mess it up even more.

I want this day to be over, too, while we're at it. "It doesn't." There's venom in my voice, and even I can hear the meaning I never meant to give: _You mean nothing to me_.

"I don't get it," Will says, and there's venom in his voice too. "I have been nothing but kind to you since you arrived, and for what? Is this what you think of me? Pushing me away, acting like you don't care."

"Why should I?" I ask, but my voice is getting quieter, too quiet - we're getting into dangerous territory on so many fronts.

Then he comes really close, pushing his nose right up to mine, but it's nothing like I imagined.

"Because," he hisses, his tongue between his teeth, "I know how it feels to be in your position. And I wanted you to know that you're not alone."

I'm angry and choked, and I know I'm about to start crying. I have to get out of here. I step backward, clenching my fists so I don't push him away. If I touch him, I don't think I'll be able to let go.

I take a few more steps back, then I turn around and flee.

 

* * *

 

 

Somehow,  just about manage to make it through the rest of the school day. As soon as I get home, I call Chat Noir to tell him we can't meet today, even though I have too much to discuss with him, even though he says he does too.

Then, I turn off my phone, turn off everything I own, and I sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

I sleep for three days. I don't register any of my movements, even using the bathroom, which is the only time I get up anyway. I don't eat.

Sleep should feel good, but not like this. I'm comatose with no way of knowing when I'll wake, or if I'll even wake at all.

Sleep should feel good, but this isn't sleep, this is a crash landing. This is a fire going out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I have a vague sense of movements, of noise in my room, but it must be a dream because no one comes in my room anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

The first thing I notice is warmth. Warmth by my side, and everywhere else cold.

I don't move. I think I'm awake. I'm still waking.

But she hears me anyway, and she says softly, "Nico?"

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up properly this time. Hazel is sleeping on my chair at the end of my bed. I open my eyes and stare at her for a few minutes.

She is everything I am not. She is sunshine, light and happiness, all bubbling out of her like a fountain. She has smiling eyes, a golden shine to her skin and hair and everything.

I am not, I do not, and yet she still sticks by me. Through everything. Even when I'm not sticking by her.

"Hazel?" I say, trying to wake her. My voice is choked and my pillow is wet, but I don't know if it's from tears or sleep drool.

She wakes immediately, even though I didn't say her name loudly.

"Nico," she says, because it's all I need to hear.

She's not crying, but she was worried. I feel so bad for doing this to her, for being like this all the time, for using her to cope. She would tell me over and over never to apologise for that, which is why I don't tell her.

"Your father was worried," she says finally.

"I bet he was," I grunt, pushing myself up onto my elbows. I need water, and to move. My muscles have closed up, sealed themselves off, and it will take a while to wake them up again.

"He's trying, Nico," but she doesn't believe it.

Me neither. "We're all trying. Some of us harder than others."

She sighs, but it's more for me rather than at me.

"Your friend called," she says. "From school. He wanted to know if you were okay."

"Which friend?"

"Jason, I think," she says, and I can't help but feel a little disappointed that it wasn't Will.

Except why would he call? The last time he saw me, I nearly bit his head off.

I need to apologise. I need to do that more than anything else in the world right now.

And then I need to apologise to Chat Noir, for ignoring him for a few days. And then to Jason, and Piper and Leo, and all my teachers. And to Hazel.

"I'm sorry," I tell her. Sorry for everything.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything, Nico."

But I do, and I don't accept that enough.

I get up with another grunt and head out of my room, downstairs. Hazel follows me.

"What day is it?" I ask.

"Sunday," she replies.

Good. I can sort things out with Will tomorrow, maybe. Hopefully.

I get out a glass and fill it up with water, downing it in a couple of gulps. Then I fill it up again. Repeat.

It's not until I've finished my third glass that I turn to face the world again.

There's a parcel on the table. On top of it is a letter, addressed simply: _Nico_.

"What is that," I breathe, but I think I already know.

"I don't know," Hazel replies. "It came through the door on Thursday, in the evening. No one saw who delivered it."

And I think that because I already know what's in the letter, that's why I don't want to open it. And I think that, at the same time, it's why I do.

My hands don't shake as I open it.

They do as I read it.

Because I was expecting a follow up. More information.

Because I wasn't expecting this.

 

_Dear Nico,_

_You are invited to the funeral of Master Fu._

_Please come in normal attire._

_Sent on behalf of Master Fu._

 

I flip it over, trying to find something else, but there's only an address and a date.

Next Sunday.

I think Hazel says my name, but I don't hear her as I storm up the stairs, ripping the small piece of paper again and again and again, until it's nothing more than dust crumbling from my hands. I get into my room and dump the pieces in my bin, then I stick my head out of the window, desperate for a way out of this stuffy, unbearable feeling.

I gulp down air. Hazel comes into the room.

"Nico?" She says. "Do you want this?"

I turn round. She has the parcel in her hands, and now I know exactly what is in it I don't want it. I want to hurl it out the window, to sink it to the bottom of the sea and then throw myself in afterwards.

But I don't. I turn and take it from her small hands, putting it away in my desk drawer.

"What was that?" she starts to say, but I have to talk over her, to say, "Please. Please don't ask me, Hazel, because I can't tell you the answer." But I can, I can. But I can't. "I'm not strong enough." And my voice breaks.

So she hugs me, because she's Hazel and she does that even when I can't be honest with her.

And I hug her back, because she's Hazel and I'm me and I have to give her as much as I can to make up for everything that I can't.

"It's okay, it's okay," she's singing, even though it's not, it's not. "We'll make it through this."

But we won't, because it's not her problem, and I don't think I can. Not alone, anyway.

But I am alone. I have no one, no one except Chat Noir, and I can't talk to him because I don't even know him.

I cry harder and harder, and Hazel holds me tighter and tighter, and I can't help but feel like this might be a breakdown.

I can't help but feel like I've had enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos, and also sorry that my posting is so terrible and irregular.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter of sporadic updating, I hope you enjoy your stay, please don't look too close because you'll probably see a million moth holes that I haven't patched up, etcetera, etcetera.

I want to say Monday is a series of ups and downs, but it's not. No, typical to most Mondays, it's just the downs.

In homeroom, I'm called out by the secretary again, who tells me they've organised for me to meet with the school counsellor. This is probably the highlight of my day because counselling is not that bad and I need someone to talk to, but at the same time it's kind of depressing and I'm worried that it will raise questions from other students.

Latin is hell. Will and I spend the whole period trying our best to ignore each other, which is pretty much impossible because there's so much tension between us. I think the entire class can feel it, like bolts of electricity, so there's no chance of us escaping it.

I want to apologise, I really do, but I've never been any good at that sort of thing.

Because of my short break, everyone in class and in the corridors sends me awful, pitying looks. It's far worse than before. It's what I dreaded, what I escaped from at Jupiter.

I assume it's because they heard about my fight with Will. News travels fast, especially when a bunch of teenagers are involved.

On top of the stares, classes are eerily quiet. I'm not sure why. I take a few deep breaths and tell myself (over and over) that it's not me causing it.

At lunch, I sit at my table with Jason and Piper and Leo. I'm not sure why I'm calling it _my table_ , seeing as I've only sat at it twice, but it feels like it's mine because they're all so inviting.

It's just me that's the problem.

They're all staring at me. It's not quite the stares from the halls, but it's one I recognise all the same. Jason's trying to eat his sandwich, but there's a weird energy over the table that even he can't politely ignore.

"What?" I say, hoping I don't sound as nervous and terrified as I feel.

No one says anything for a few seconds. Then, Piper says, "We heard about your fight with Will."

I nod, slowly. This is not a good thing, but it's nothing more than I was expecting.

"Has he apologised yet?" she asks.

I shake my head. "It's me who should be apologising."

Jason, this time. "He needs to say sorry too."

Piper continues, "It's a two-way thing," and I try not to get anxious because: she's agreeing with me; and I agree with her too; and she's definitely not saying that she hates me. I think she's saying that she's my friend. That they all are.

I nod again. My food is untouched, as is everyone else's. "So everyone knows, then. In the school."

"No," Piper says. Her voice is still as calm and sweet as ever. I'm beginning to sweat. "Actually it's just us, because we're friends with Will."

And there it is again. The hidden message that she's conveying: you've hurt our friend. We're trying to tell you off nicely.

I say, "I'm sorry," even though we all know it's not them I should be apologising to.

Piper says, "He's just trying to give you someone to talk to. Someone who's been through it too."

They all keep saying this. _He knows what you've been going through. He's like you_. I don't get it.

So I say, ever so quietly, "What do you mean?"

And Piper says, ever so loudly, too loud for me, "His brothers died too."

And my heart kind of just stops.

I'm struggling to breathe, but I manage to say, "How do you know? About... about Bianca?" Her name is so quiet it's not even a whisper.

And Leo says, "Ohhhh man." Long and drawn out and under his breath.

Piper and Jason exchange a look. They didn't know that I didn't know that they knew.

Which probably means that everyone else knows too.

And suddenly everything makes sense: the looks, the corridors, the silence. Will. He was just being nice because I have a dead sister.

And probably Jason and Piper and Leo too.

My heart still isn't working properly, and now my breathing is fucked too.

Piper says, "They told us in an assembly. Last summer."

Everything disappears. The cantine, the noise, the people. Me. I stop working.

And then everything starts again, and it's so sudden that I almost faint.

"Sorry," I say, standing up too quickly. "Sorry."

Then I'm off, nearly but not quite running down the halls; I left my bag somewhere, I can't remember. I don't know what I'm trying to find, only that I'll never find it.

My chest is heaving and my heart is pounding and my head is spinning and I keep falling, falling, falling, but there is no rock bottom because I'm already there, falling through the ground.

I think I'm running now. I can't tell. I'm probably crying - that's what usually happens. I feel dizzy. My heart is still going round and round and round in my throat.

Where am I?

Where am I?

Where am I?

Why?

For some reason, I can't run any further. There's something in front of me, something _around_ me. Arms. Chest. Person.

I breathe, consciously.

Not just a person.

Will.

I breathe again, but it gets stuck in my throat and I choke. I feel sick.

I'm sitting down now. The floor. It's solid.

Rock bottom.

I try and focus on that, on the cold, hard surface underneath me.

And I breathe.

And I breathe.

I can focus now, enough to register the glass of water in my hand, enough to put it to my lips and take a sip.

A voice. "Nico, it's me. I'm sorry."

It's Will. I'm sorry.

I try to say that, but my throat is all squeezed shut.

"It's okay, it's okay," Will says. All I want to do is believe him.

We sit there, just breathing. He gives me some space, which is good because now I can breathe fully.

In, and out. It's easy. I think Will is saying this.

I'm not sure how long we're there, just breathing, but it's enough. I look up at him, and he searches me with his eyes. I nod, although I'm not even sure what he's asking me for.

He stands up and puts out his hand. I take it, and we stand together.

I feel like this moment is something I need to remember. I'm not sure why.

Then we're walking down the halls. He lets go of my hand, which is good and bad. We go to the office, to the sickbay just next to it. I sit in a chair, and a woman comes in.

"I'm Dr Milner," she says. "Thank you, Will."

He says, "No problem," then gives me one last smile, then leaves.

I'm not sure what we are, now. If anything, this just makes it more complicated than before.

The woman says, "I'm the counsellor, Nico. It's nice to meet you, even if it could have been under better circumstances."

Because I had a panic attack. In school. In front of everyone.

Because they all know. All of them.

"I didn't know," I say.

"What didn't you know?"

"I didn't think they knew. About me. About Bianca."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I pause. Then: "No. Not yet, please."

"That's okay. Do you need a drink?"

"No, thank you."

"We're going to send you home, Nico, to give you a chance to rest."

"Thank you." And at the moment, I mean it, because I'm too exhausted to think about what my dad might say.

But he doesn't say anything. Dr Milner gets my bag and my books and hands them to me, and then I'm out.

It's silent.

I cherish it.

 

* * *

 

 

I have to meet up with Chat Noir today - it's been too long, and he might start to wonder where I am. Who I am. Anyone with half a brain could put two and two together and figure out that the person missing from school is the same person as the missing Ladybug.

Even so, I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this. Panic attacks are exhausting at the best of times, and right now isn't exactly the best of times.

I should probably call Hazel, but I don't have the energy for that either.

All I can think of right now is the letter and the black box sitting at the back of my desk drawer. I destroyed the note, but the words are burned into my mind.

_Please come in normal attire._ I'm guessing that means I should come as Nico rather than Ladybug, which probably also means he's planning something. Even after his death, he's scheming, fucking up my life further.

I say this to Chat Noir, later in the evening. Well, not that exactly. I say, "Do you think that means we have to come as our normal selves?"

"That's what I understood from it," he replies. Then, a pause, before he continues: "Do you think you will?"

I don't know. Master Fu clearly thinks - or thought, I guess - that we should know who we are in day to day life. It makes sense, I know it does, but the prospect of telling Chat Noir how much of a fuck up I am is honestly terrifying.

Because if he goes to Half-Blood (which is possible seeing as he's high school age and there's only two high schools in this area) then he'll probably already know about Nico di Angelo. He'll probably already have his own opinion of me, and it probably won't be one that I like.

I'm not a natural leader; Master Fu was wrong. And if Chat Noir finds out who I am, he'll see that I have no idea what I'm doing. He'll leave me.

"No," I say, and I need to change the subject so I pull out the black box from a satchel on the bench next to me.

"Master Fu have me this," I say, passing it to him. "He says I'm the next Keeper of the Miraculous, or whatever it's called."

Chat Noir takes it hesitantly. He knows that I changed the topic deliberately - and that we need to talk about it. But he also knows that I can't talk about it yet, so he holds the box in his lap and opens it.

Inside are seven small compartments - two in the middle, wound together in a circle that looks a little like yin and yang, surrounded by five other compartments to make a pentagon. In each, there is a carved out space with a tiny symbol next to it: a ladybug, a cat, a bee, a fox, a turtle, a peacock, and a butterfly.

I watch Chat Noir as he takes this all in, seeing the recognition in his eyes.

"I assume he told you," I say. "About the others."

"He did," Chat Noir confirms, looking up at me. "He told me I was to help you in leading the four remaining miraculous."

Somehow, it shocks me more to hear it now than to hear it from Master Fu. It makes it seem more real - too real - that Chat Noir is relying on me, looking up to me. Can I be that person? At the moment, I feel far from it.

Chat Noir places the box back on my lap. "I can't help but feel," he starts slowly, "like it was my fault. Like, if I'd stopped and talked to him more, if I hadn't got so angry at him, he'd still be alive."

This shocks me too. "It's not your fault," I say, almost on instinct. Because if anyone's to blame, it's not Chat Noir. Master Fu, yes. Hawkmoth too. Me? Maybe. But not Chat Noir.

He looks at me. "It's not your fault, either. Whatever you're thinking, Ladybug, it's not true. He was right to make you a leader - you're a natural."

I look down at my lap, at the box that seems harmless now it's closed. Chat Noir doesn't know me - how could he say those things like they're the truth?

"Will you help me?" I blurt out, surprising myself more than him.

He doesn't miss a beat. "Of course. That's what I'm here for." He gestures to the box.

It makes me feel uncomfortable, the thought of him only being here because of me, but I let it slide. There's too much else to think about at the moment.

I look at him, look into his blue cat eyes, and I'm struck with a sudden feeling of deja vu, even though I can't remember ever looking him in the eye. I turn away quickly, frowning to myself.

"I'm going to go as Chat Noir," he says. "To the funeral. I know Master Fu wanted us to go as our normal selves, but he's not here anymore. I think we should do this our way."

I can't tell if he means this or if he's just saying it for my sake, but I don't care. "Then we will. We'll go as Ladybug and Chat Noir, we'll rally the other miraculous powers, and we'll hit Hawkmoth hard." I look up at him again, wondering if this is the leader they both saw in me, and say, "We'll find a way out of this mess. Whatever it takes."

And Chat Noir nods and smiles, as if this is what he meant all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I feel kind of proud of this because I'm so close to hitting the 20k mark and it's by far the longest fic I've ever written. Thanks to all of you who are reading this and also I hope I can keep going to the end (!!!)

I spend the rest of the week trying to stay as silent as possible. I go to school, but I withdraw naturally to give myself time to calm down and wake up. Jason, Piper and Leo are still happy to be around me even after my episode, so I eat lunch with them.

Will and I don't talk. I wish I could say I'm glad for the space.

The weekend comes around sooner than I expected, bringing with it the dreaded funeral. Up until the very last second, I'm in a constant debate - do I go, do I not. Eventually I realise that Chat Noir and probably all the other miraculouses are relying on me, so I transform and sprint to the address.

The first thing I see is Chat Noir's ears poking between the leaves of a nearby tree. I climb up and sit next to him on the branch.

"So you decided to show up," he says, not unkindly.

"It was an ongoing argument," I reply casually, looking ahead rather than turning to face him. "Be careful," I add. "Say the wrong thing and it might send me back out."

"We can't have that," he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. I finally look at him. He's smiling widely. His front teeth have a small gap between them.

_He's kind of cute_ , I think, then: _What the fuck? I can't even see most of his face. How can he be cute?_

I shake myself out of the thought quickly, instead saying, "Thank you for coming."

"No problem." He points to the groups of people beginning to crowd below us. "Should we go meet them?"

I peer down. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, exactly, because none of the others will be in costume, but I look anyway.

Chat Noir must catch on, because he says, "Look for the young ones. Almost everyone here is the same age as Master Fu."

"Good idea," I say. I sit still for a few more moments, then I hop down from the branch and offer my hand to him.  He doesn't take it, instead falling into a crouch next to me.

I grin. "You act so much like a cat," I say.

He doesn't skip a beat, grabbing my hand to his mouth and licking it, grinning again. It's so stupid and weird, but I still have to remind myself that my mask covers my blushing cheeks to keep from hiding my face with my free hand.

He lets me go with a wink, standing up and stretching. "Let's go."

 

* * *

 

 

The others aren't as difficult to find as I thought they'd be. About five minutes in, we see them, all standing together, all looking like they really don't want to be here.

We wait to approach them, though. We stand in the shadows until the ceremony has finished, then join the procession outside into the graveyard.

There won't be a party afterwards.

We wait until the very end of the funeral to talk to the other miraculous powers. They stand in a cluster near a large fir tree, looking around awkwardly.

Chat Noir approaches them first. "Looking for someone?"

They all jump, spinning round to see who's talking to them. I can see the surprise in their eyes at what they see: two teenage boys dressed in bright, head-to-toe catsuits. It's not something you stumble across every day.

After I've studied the expressions on their faces, I look at them.

To the very left is a girl with glossy black hair and a vicious gleam in her eyes. Next to her stand two identical boys, both tall and brown-haired and grinning as they look Chat Noir and I up and down. Next is a girl with a black and blue dyed pixie cut who looks strangely familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I linger on her for a few seconds, trying to figure out where she's from. Maybe I've seen her around school.

The last person almost makes me jump out of my skin with surprise. She pushes her thick brown plait behind her shoulder as she fixes her cutting gaze on me, staring straight into my eyes.

I take an involuntary step back, and the corner of her lip rises in recognition. I nod to her.

Reyna.

I'm so surprised about her sudden appearance that I don't notice what's wrong until Chat Noir points it out.

"There's five of you," he says, and it takes me a few seconds to process it.

"But there's only four miraculouses," I confirm, finally breaking my gaze from Reyna's.

The identical boys both raise their hands. "That's us," one of them says. The other continues: "I'm not actually a superhero, or whatever, but I am his brother and I'm definitely not missing out on the action."

I glance at Chat Noir. He has a slight smirk on his face. "Fair enough," he says. Then, turning back to face the group, he says, "I'm Chat Noir. This is Ladybug. He's your leader, and you listen to him."

I try my best not to shrink back as I wonder once again why Master Fu didn't make Chat Noir the leader. He would be so much better than me.

"Why are you guys in costume?" the girl on the far left says. "We were all told to come in normal clothes."

"So were we," I say. "We decided not to."

The girl opens her mouth to say something else, annoyance in her eyes, but she's cut off by Reyna, who says, "My name is Reyna. My miraculous is a fox. I will be happy to follow you, Ladybug."

I nod at her in thanks. She nods back.

"I'm Thalia," the girl with the pixie cut says. "My miraculous is a peacock."

"Connor," one of the twins says. "I'm a turtle. Travis-" he points to his brother "-wants to know if there are any spares so that he could join in."

"There aren't," Chat Noir says. "But he's welcome to join in anyway."

We all turn to the last girl, the one with the mean glint in her expression. She waits, as if deciding if she really wants to do this, then sighs and says, "I'm Drew Tanaka. I'm a bee."

Chat Noir claps his hands together and says, "Excellent." I study him, trying to see if he recognises any of these people. Then I stop, banishing the thought, realising that it's kind of unfair for me to want to know who he is when I won't give him any clues myself.

"Question," Thalia says. "Who can we tell about this?" She points to Connor and Travis. "Obviously they told each other, but is there any rule to this? Do we have to keep it a secret?"

"No," I say. "It's up to you. You can tell whoever you want, but we do ask that you keep the identities of the rest of us secret. Not everyone wants to announce it to the world."

Drew says, "When are you guys going to tell us who you are? Wouldn't it be easier if we knew?"

"Like they said, they can tell whoever they want," Reyna says, and I kind of want to hug her right now. "It's not any of our business'."

"But what if we need to contact them when they're not transformed?" Drew turns to Reyna now. She won't let it go.

Chat Noir lifts his fist to his mouth. "There are ways of doing that," he says into his ring.

My yo-yo buzzes on my hip, just as four tiny kwamis jump out of various pockets and bags.

I turn to grin at Chat Noir. He grins back, shrugging.

Each of the kwamis buzz around their owners for a few seconds, shaking the grogginess of sleep, before realising their surroundings and gasping at the sight of Chat Noir and me.

"So what," Drew says. "We have our own secret walkie-talkie system? What happens if we don't have our kwamis with us?"

"You should always have your kwamis with you," I say, looking directly at her. "You have no idea when you might need them."

"But what if someone sees them?"

"They're not stupid," I snap. I don't mean to, but she's really getting on my nerves. I try to school my voice into something more leader-like before continuing. "I have had my miraculous for eight months, and so far no one has seen Tikki but me. They know when to hide and when they're needed, often more than we do. No one will see them unless they want to be seen. Any more questions?"

Drew grumbles but says, "No," quietly.

"Good."

I'm not entirely sure what I'm meant to do now. Do I let them go home? Do I need to give more information right now, or do I arrange another date? Do I teach them how to fight like I did Chat Noir? Do they even know how to transform yet?

"So," I begin cautiously. "I'm guessing you've all transformed already."

I get a few mumbles of 'yes' from all of them except Thalia.

"Thalia? No?" Chat Noir asks.

She shrugs. "I didn't know if I could trust it." She raises an eyebrow when the others give her looks of disbelief. "What? You mean to say an old dude gives you a random package and you all automatically accept it?" She huffs a laugh. "I came here to see if it was real. And I guess it is, so I'll go home and transform. Happy?"

"No," I say. "Do it now. All of you." I look around at the graveyard. It's mostly deserted, except for one man standing over the newly dug grave of Master Fu. In the fading light, I don't recognise him - he's relatively tall with wide shoulders. He doesn't notice us standing beneath the shade of a tree.

Even with the protection of the leaves, the space is quite open. "Not here," I continue. "Chat Noir and I know a place that's relatively well hidden. We'll go there."

Without waiting to see if they follow, I turn and head out of the graveyard, making sure I go at a normal pace so they can keep up in there human state.

It doesn't take us long to get to to the park where Chat Noir and I first met. We find another tree to hide under, and I say, "Okay, go."

Everyone except Thalia nods and takes out their kwami to transform. Thalia, however, looks around, confused and a little bit nervous.

"Your kwami will tell you what to say," Chat Noir reassures her. "It's easy and quick. You'll have to say something like, _Claws Out!_ or whatever your kwami tells you, and after that it's automatic."

She nods at him to say thanks, then goes to find her own space.

I watch as they all take out their kwamis, but watching the transformations seems too much like I'm spying on something private. I turn away, facing Chat Noir instead. He's watching the transformations with an expression of total awe. His eyes are wide and searching, and his mouth hangs open slightly. His thumb strokes the ring on his finger. Plagg rests on his shoulder.

"You say 'Claws Out'?" I ask softly, not really wanting to disturb him.

"Yeah," he says, before turning to me. "What do you say?"

"Spots On." I huff. It sounds kind of stupid like this.

"This is going to be really weird, isn't it," he says. "Like we've got four kids to look after."

I laugh. "I'm only fifteen. I'm not ready for kids yet."

"Sure you are," he grins, and I'm glad he's not making a big deal out of me giving him my age. He knocks his arm against my shoulder. "You're not alone. We'll work it out."

I can't help the smile that takes over my face. I look away, not sure why I'm getting embarrassed about a smile.

The others have all finished their transformations. I almost laugh at the sight: they're standing (coincidentally) in rainbow order, Reyna on the left in her red-brown fox suit all the way to Thalia on the other side with her indigo blue tail.

I'm still jealous of Chat Noir's tail, but I don't envy Thalia's in the least. It starts in a belt around her waist, fanning out in large, heavy-looking feathers that brush the floor around her feet. It looks a little bit like a dress, and I can tell by the look on her face and the way she fidgets with it that she's uncomfortable.

Reyna's staring at her, grinning as if she doesn't know she's doing it. She's wearing a black and fox-red suit, skin tight like the rest of us, with a bushy tail falling just past her knees. She has ears just like Chat Noir's, but with red tips. Her miraculous rests in a pendant around her neck.

I look at the rest. Travis is standing a little to the side, also with a look of awe on his face as he takes in the range of suits around him. His brother, Connor, has a light green one-piece, attached from head to toe, with a darker green shield across his back to look like a shell. In the centre, his miraculous is held in an elaborate decoration.

Drew's bee costume is also a head to toe one piece, only yellow with a black head, hips and shoes. Two yellow-tipped antennae curl backwards from her ears, like mine. I think her miraculous is in one of the golden cuffs that cover her wrists.

I glance at Chat Noir, who's trying his best not to laugh at Thalia struggling with her tail.

She scowls at him. "What?"

Chat Noir opens his mouth to come up with an excuse, but chokes on his words as Thalia's tail lifts up and fans out across her back. A display of power and a warning.

She obviously wasn't expecting it either, because she whips her head round to look at it, then back at us. She smiles sheepishly, embarrassed, and the feathers fall down again, slowly.

"I didn't know I could do that," she says.

"They have a mind of their own, don't they," Chat Noir agrees, and as if to show his point, his tail whips to the side.

We all look to Reyna. She shrugs, then grins and wraps her tail around her waist, as a belt.

"This is so fucking awesome," Travis whispers, voicing the thought we're all having.

We all burst out laughing.

It takes us a while to calm down, Travis and Connor doubled over, Drew covering her mouth with a manicured hand, and Thalia trying as hard as she can to look pissed.

I look at Chat Noir. He's looking at all of them with a far-away expression on his face, one that I've never seen before, on him or on anyone else.

Again, I get the feeling I'm looking in on a private moment. I look around at the park we're in. The sun is completely below the horizon; only the orange glow of the street lights light up the area, casting long shadows on the dewy grass.

I clear my throat. They all turn to face me.

"Um," I start, suddenly unsure what I should say. "So, um, I'm not sure how much Master Fu told you, before he died-"

"He told us nothing," Connor says. "Absolutely nothing."

"Uh, okay." I'd been expecting this. "Well, it's late now, but we'll meet up again soon and I'll tell you what I know."

"Tomorrow," Chat Noir says. "We'll meet tomorrow evening. We can't wait."

None of them protest, so I take it as a sign that they're all free.

"Tomorrow evening, at seven," I say. "Meet here, in costume."

Travis raises his hand. "Can I-"

"You can come, Travis, but you have to be sure that this is something you want to do. Our miraculouses give us advanced stamina and flexibility. I don't mean this in a bad way, but you'll be behind us. You have to be sure that you're willing to put the extra effort in, but if you want to, yes, you can."

He doesn't skip a beat. "I'm ready."

"Good," I say. I turn to address the whole group. "We meet tomorrow. In the meantime, if you can, practise transforming. Try to get used to your suits - they each have their own secrets and quirks. Your kwamis know a lot more about this than any of us do; talk to them." My hand goes to my yo-yo. "If you have any pressing questions, your kwamis can relay messages between us, but please only use them in an emergency."

I look to Chat Noir, silently asking if there's anything I've forgotten. He says to the group, "Don't forget to respect each others' privacy. It's not your place to out any of us to anybody. If they want to tell people, they can do it themselves."

Everyone nods. Drew says, "Are you going to tell us who you are?"

My heart begins to race. I take an involuntary step back, and my eyes go automatically to Reyna, who gives me a kind smile and an encouraging nod.

Chat Noir notices my discomfort too, so he says, "Not today. We'll tell you when we're ready." Drew opens her mouth, but Chat Noir talks over her: "It's our decision. There's no reason why we should need to tell you. We're not being selfish." I can hear the venom in his voice, something I never thought I would have heard from him. I wonder where it's coming from. He says, "You can stop asking us, because the answer will always be the same."

Drew swallows audibly, looking pissed at being put in her place.

"Are we all agreed?" Chat Noir addresses the whole group, but he's still glaring at Drew.

"We are." Reyna speaks for all of them, looking at them pointedly, one at a time.

"Excellent." Chat Noir finally looks away from Drew, and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"We'll see you tomorrow," I say. I turn to Chat Noir, but I don't know what I want to say to him, so I just nod. He nods back.

I turn and leave. Suddenly, I have to get away, I can't be around people any more. I can't be in this suffocating suit, thinking these suffocating thoughts.

I go behind a wall and detransform. It's too close to the park to be completely hidden, but I don't think I can walk any further.

Back to my normal self, I sink to the floor. I have no idea why my mood has deflated so quickly, but my life rarely makes sense so I try and breathe through it.

I don't notice the body standing over me until she clears her throat. I jump in my skin, my eyes flicking to her face.

"Jesus, Reyna," I say, scrubbing my face with my hands. She's not in her suit anymore, but she's still just as intimidating.

She offers me her hand, and I take it, standing up next to her and brushing myself off.

"You've been busy," she says. Her voice is grinning, even if her expression is flat.

I glare at her, but there's no poison in it. I love Reyna a lot. She helped me when I was at Jupiter.

She punches me in the arm playfully, but her voice softens as she asks, "How have you been?"

"I've been-" _fine_ , I was about to say, but Reyna would know that's not the whole truth. "Okay," I say instead. It's nearly the same, but it's completely different.

"Hazel says-"

"Hazel worries too much," I say.

"Too right," Reyna agrees. "I think she wanted to follow you all the way to Half-Blood."

I snort. I can just imagine her, jittery and nervous, practically jumping out of her seat after me.

"Does she know?" Reyna asks.

"No," I say. "Please don't tell her."

"I'll try not to feel insulted, Nico."

"Sorry. It's just - no one knows."

"I do," she says. I flinch - I don't know why - and she says, "It's okay, di Angelo, I know how to keep a secret."

I know that. I blush, embarrassed.

"So who's the hottie in the cat suit?" she says.

"Who, Chat Noir?" She nods. "No idea. But - wait, you think he's hot?"

"Nico, anyone with eyes thinks he's hot. Even if they're not interested."

I feel like she's pushing me, here, but I'm not sure what she's pushing me for. I stay silent. We both do, and it's uncomfortable.

"Never mind," she says. I want to think I don't know what she's talking about.

"I'll see you tomorrow, huh, Nico?"

She says it like it's a question, so I say, "Yeah. Yeah."

She smiles tightly at me. Her way of saying goodbye.

She walks off before me. I stay for a few more moments, stuck in place, wishing I was better at being okay.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if any of you actually watch Miraculous Ladybug.... this is so factually incorrect omg. Also, thanks for all the comments and kudos and just thank you all for reading this I love you all so much and if I don't reply to your comments it's because I'm an extremely awkward person sorry

"So," I say, my hands jittering nervously in front of me. I hate public speaking with a passion, even when it's not really public because I'm only talking to five other people.

They sit on the grass in front of me like a class of school children. Chat Noir crouches on a branch nearby. Somehow, I can hear him grinning beside me, laughing at my pain.

 _"Can't you do it?"_ I'd asked him just before the others arrived.

 _"Absolutely not. You're the leader."_ Then he smirked and stuck his tongue out at me. _"Milady."_

So here I am, lecturing a bunch of kids (who are probably all older than me, now that I think about it) on an old dead dude who fucked up and pushed his problems onto an unsuspecting, unwilling group of teenagers.

I'm not salty. I promise.

"I honestly don't know much more than you," I say, not looking any of them in the eye. My hands are still wringing each other on front of me, moving of their own accord.

There's a pause where I figure out what I'm going to say. I probably should have prepared a speech last night or something.

Too late now.

"Master Fu was part of a family who, for many generations, kept the miraculous powers safe. It was his job to pass them on to his children or grandchildren, but he didn't have any." I pause. Breathe. Reyna nods at me, from beneath her mask. I keep my eyes on her.

"So he found someone else to give them to. He- well, I think he tried to hand them off to one of his friends or something, but that friend turned out to be evil and stole the miraculouses."

"Some friend," Travis says quietly.

"Yeah," I snort. "Anyway, Master Fu managed to get most of the kwamis back, all except the butterfly, which the friend had already claimed.

"So he assigned me and Chat Noir our miraculouses in the hopes we might be able to quietly get rid of Hawkmoth - that's the evil guy's name, by the way - before he caused too much trouble."

I glance at Chat Noir, who nods at me encouragingly. "But we didn't act quick enough." _I don't know, maybe because we got absolutely no fucking information_ , I don't say. This is why I'm telling the new miraculouses.

"Hawkmoth struck before we were ready," Chat Noir adds, jumping down from his perch. "Not sure if you saw the attacks-"

"On the school?" Thalia says. "Yeah, we saw that," and the others nod along.

"Master Fu panicked, I think," I continue. "He assigned the remaining miraculouses in the hopes that together we could defeat Hawkmoth." _And solve all of his problems for him_.

"And then he went and died," Drew says, not bothering to hide the disdain in her voice.

"Selfish bastard," Connor says. He's grinning.

"It's not ideal, no," I say. "But it's what happened. And now we have to fight."

"Do we actually have to, though?" Drew asks. "Is it really necessary?"

"He attacked a _school_. I think that's pretty serious," Chat Noir growls. "If you don't want to fight, go home. We won't miss you. But I know for a fact that I am going to fight until Hawkmoth is defeated or I can't fight any more. I was chosen for a reason - we all were-" he gestures to the rest of us without breaking eye contact with Drew "-and even though I don't know what that reason is, I know that it's my job to protect others from being hurt - or worse - as Hawkmoth stops at nothing to gain power." He jabs a finger at Drew's face, only a few inches away from her. "Now you can hand back your miraculous and pretend none of this ever happened, and we'll find someone better suited for the job. Or you can suck it up, quit complaining, and realise that _the world is bigger than just you_." He hisses the last words, his nose almost touching hers.

There are a few beats of complete silence. We're all shocked at Chat Noir's attitude, and none of us know what to say.

Drew is staring at Chat Noir, but she doesn't seem scared. No, she's frowning, as if she's trying to work something out.

Finally, she smiles (although it's clearly fake) and says, "I'll stay. But you-" she jabs her finger at Chat Noir, who is now stood up straight in front of her, "-are not allowed to talk to me like that. Same goes for all of you." She looks at each of us in turn, her gaze finally settling on me.

"Nope," Chat Noir says. He too turns to face me as he says, "Ladybug is your leader. You _will_ listen to him." He turns back to Drew. "I don't care-"

"Chat Noir," I say quietly, cutting him off. He whips his head round to me. "It's okay. I can fight my own battles."

He opens his mouth as if to argue, but slams it shut again as he comprehends what I'm saying. _Stand down_. He shoots me an apologetic grimace.

I look at the rest of the group. "It is true that I was chosen as your leader," I say. "As of a week ago, I became the official heir to the miraculous powers. But that does not make me your superior. I don't want to be your superior. We will fight together, as equals. That is the only way we will win." I look at Drew as I say the next part, giving her one last chance to back out. "If anyone has a problem with this, speak now."

Everyone is silent.

"Good," I say. Then, looking at Chat Noir: "And now we learn to fight together."

 

* * *

 

 

As far as first fighting lessons go, I've seen worse. Reyna went to the same classes Bi and I went to when we were younger, so she's fine. She works with Thalia as Chat Noir and I lead Travis, Connor and Drew through the basic positioning and steps. Drew is a little bit problematic because she has decided to completely ignore Chat Noir, and will only listen to me. I'm not too worried, though - they'll hopefully get over their problems soon.

Travis keeps up surprisingly well. He's panting the heaviest at the end, but he doesn't complain once - instead, he looks exhilarated, grinning widely throughout the whole thing.

I say, "We'll stop for tonight. We will meet again tomorrow, same time, same place."

"Are we going to be meeting everyday?" Thalia asks.

"Maybe," I say, because I don't actually know. I had thought we would meet every evening until one of us couldn't make it.

"I can't do Wednesdays," she says. "So count me out for them."

"Me neither," Chat Noir says, and I remember how he cancelled all of our Wednesday meetings.

"Then we'll do every week day except Wednesday. Can everybody do that?"

A chorus of yeses. "That was easy," Chat Noir says.

I smile at him. "Same time tomorrow, then." I turn to leave, still smiling to myself.

"Wait- Ladybug!" Thalia calls after me. I turn back.

"You- you're a good leader," she says. "I'm speaking for all of us here."

"I- thank you," I say, looking around. They're all looking at me, smiling - all except Reyna, who's looking at Thalia with a peculiar expression in her eyes.

"I'm happy to work with you," Thalia says.

"I'm happy to work with you guys too," I say, and I mean it. They're the closest thing I've had to friends in well over a year. I can tell we'll make a good team.

"Well, if all this sappy stuff is over, Travis and I have really got to go," Connor says, but he's smiling too.

"Oh- of course," I say. "Until tomorrow."

I salute them - a spur of the moment decision, I'm not sure why I do it - then turn and jump onto the lowest branch of a nearby tree, heading for the skyline.

 

* * *

 

 

"Nico, wait."

I almost ignore him. The busy halls are a perfect escape route - it would be easy not to hear him, to keep going all the way to History and forget that there are things we need to talk about.

I almost ignore him. But he says, "Please," and his voice sounds like it might be about to break.

I turn round.

"Please can we talk about this, Nico," he whispers. He's a lot closer than I thought he was. There aren't any people between us, despite the rush of the crossover period.

I nod, slowly, trusting a simple movement more than my voice.

"Uh- do you want to go somewhere quieter?" he asks, glancing at the people around us. They were staring - I've learnt to feel the cold gazes without looking - but they turn away quickly when they realise they've been seen.

I nod again. He goes to grab my wrist to pull me into a nearby classroom, but stops when he remembers who he's talking to. "Sorry," he says, before gesturing and following me through the nearest door.

He closes the door behind us, and a hundred different scenarios rush through my head, all self indulgences and none ending with me in one piece. I blush. I don't think he notices.

He stands still and silent for a few moments, wringing his hands in front of him. I decide that it's now or never, and somehow that fills me with the confidence to speak first.

"Will," I say, choosing to focus on his golden curls (loose, today, soft tufts resting on his collar) instead of his eyes. "I'm sorry that I cut you off."

It comes out as a rush of breath, barely intelligible. My heart is racing just being this close to him.

"I'm sorry that I pushed you," he says, sounding like he's keeping it together better than me but looking the complete opposite. He's staring at the floor, not at me, and I can't help it - my eyes go to his. Just for a moment, but it's enough.

I'm transfixed. Somehow, just looking at him is calming me down and making me panic more at the same time. My chest is tight, but my head is free.

I'm free.

"It's okay," I say. "I didn't know. It came as a shock to me. It wasn't your fault."

He looks up at that, but I still can't draw my eyes away. The corner of his mouth lifts up a little.

"I should have realised," he says.

"You couldn't have," I say.

"I guess not." He's smiling properly now.

I suddenly realise how close we are. Half a metre stands between us. I can hear his breath.

And yet. I still don't look away. And neither does he.

"Are we good?" he asks.

I swallow. "Yeah. Yes - we're good."

"Good." It's a whisper. He's standing so close my neck is straining just to keep eye contact.

I swallow again.

"I should- I have a class," I say. I'm not sure it's loud enough for him to hear.

Suddenly, as if he's only remembering himself now, he steps back, looking over his shoulder. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."

I look down. And then: "Walk with me?"

And I look up just in time to catch his beam.

 

* * *

 

 

"You and Will made up?"

"How the hell do you know this already?"

I've only just sat down to eat lunch, and already Piper is bombarding me with questions.

"I know everything," she says.

"She has English with Will," Leo says. "We all do."

 _Lucky_ , I think before I realise how weird that sounds, even if it's only in my head. Then: _what the fuck? Since when am I jealous of other people getting to hang out with Will?_

"It's really great that you two apologised to each other," Jason smiles.

"Yeah, the tension was almost too much to bear," Leo says. I can't tell if he's deadpanning or not.

"Leo," Piper hisses.

"What?" I say. I can't remember a time when Will and I were together with other people, not since we were fighting.

I can't remember a time when we were together, full stop.

Suddenly, I notice how light I feel. Like a million weights have been lifted from my chest. Like suddenly, I know how to breathe again. It's a feeling I haven't felt in a long, long time.

"It feels good, doesn't it," Piper says softly. I think she must have some sort of magical ability to read people like she does.

All the same, I nod, taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Oh boy," Leo says, suddenly dropping his fork. "Do you remember the first time Percy and Annabeth fought? That was hilarious."

I freeze.

They keep talking around me.

"The entire school took sides," Piper says, laughing. "Even the teachers."

"Personally, I was rooting for Annabeth," Leo says.

"That's only because you wanted to get into her pants," Piper says, still chuckling.

"No! We are not talking about this!" Leo yells, leaning over the table to swat at Piper. She moves out of the way just in time, catching my stare.

She misreads it. "Percy's the resident jock at Half-Blood," she explains. "He-"

"I know," I breathe. "I know who Percy is."

And suddenly they all remember.

The seconds of silence stretch out. I want to put my sandwich down to hide my shaking hands, but my muscles have locked up.

"Sorry," Piper says.

"He's sorry too," Jason says, talking about Percy. "It destroyed him, the accident."

"I don't want to hear about what he felt," I say. I would have snapped it if I had the strength to make my voice go loud enough. "Trust me-" I finally put my sandwich down "-it was worse for me."

And I feel kind of rude, but my mood deflated so quickly I feel a bit sick, so I get up and leave, chucking the rest of my lunch in the bin on my way out.

I feel their stares burning into my back with every step.

 

* * *

 

 

Thankfully, this doesn't make things weird between us. They don't mention Percy again, and the rest of the week goes smoothly.

Progress with the miraculouses is coming along too. Chat Noir and Drew still won't talk to each other, but that's something we can work around.

I invite Hazel round on Saturday evening for a movie night.

"I feel like we haven't done this in ages," she says as we're settling down on the sofa.

"Hazel, I don't think we've ever had a Star Wars marathon together."

"You know what I mean," she pokes. "We haven't talked in weeks."

"We talked yesterday on the phone," I say. "Although that was so long ago, you might not remember."

"Don't be difficult."

"I'm not being difficult, I'm being sarcastic."

She punches me playfully in the side, smiling. "Ass."

I lift my hand to my mouth in mock surprise. "Hazel! You've learnt a new word!"

She grins wider. "Ass. Again."

"You know, I think Frank has been a bad influence on you," I joke. Her boyfriend wouldn't hurt a fly.

"So this is why you've been avoiding me," she says. "You hate my boyfriend."

"Hate is a strong word," I say, but I'm teasing and she knows it.

"Shhhh, we're getting to a good part," she hushes me, pointing to the screen.

"Are you telling me that there are parts of Star Wars which aren't good?"

She just snuggles into my shoulder, whispering, "Shhhhhh."

It doesn't take her long to fall asleep. I switch the movie off, careful not to disturb her, and slowly lay us both down on the bed. Then, I slip out from under her arm and tuck the blanket in over her. She doesn't stir.

I open the window as quietly as I can and climb onto the roof, transforming once I get to my favourite spot.

I do this a lot, using it as a replacement for sleep when the insomnia gets too much. The feeling of the night breeze on my bare lips soothes me; I think of it kind of like a kiss.

Hah. As if I know what a kiss feels like.

And now I'm thinking of Will. He smells like the night, too - I didn't even know the night had a smell until I met him.

I didn't know a lot of things until I met him.

I've had crushes before, but none of them ever felt quite like this. I guess that might be because no one has ever really paid attention to me like Will does. (And this makes me think, what if I only like him because I'm starved for attention? And is it fair to interact with him if he's only being nice? If I will always want more?)

I wonder if I should talk to him about his brothers. He's made it clear that it's an option if I want to take it, so that's not the problem.

No. It's me. (It's always me. I'm a lot of a fuck up, now that I think about it.)

I still don't think I'm ready. I had my first counselling session this week, and I sat there in silence for the entire time.

The worst thing is, I think Will would wait for me, however long it takes me to come round. Which is really not fair to him.

I sit up, suddenly craving the feeling of the wind on my body. I lean down to check on Hazel through the window - she's still fast asleep - before walking to the edge of the roof and letting the wind pull me off.

I've been practising this move a lot. It's quite easy once you get used to it, but I did end up on the floor more often than not in the beginning. It takes concentration to focus on opening the yo-yo at the right time, lassoing it around a nearby lamp post at the right speed, all the while airborne.

It's one of my favourite feelings, falling. It's liberating, especially when you can be sure you won't have to suffer the crash landing.

I swing from streetlight to streetlight for a few blocks (because whatever happens, I'll still be a nerd for Spiderman) before coming to a stop on top of a shop roof. I sit there for what could be hours, breathing in time to the gusts and eddies of the breeze.

I'm just about to get up when I see someone coming round the corner at the bottom of the street. The figure is clearly male, and clearly in a hurry - or running away from something. He keeps looking over his shoulder, then speeding up for a few metres, then checking over his shoulder again.

I crawl down from the roof, slowly, not wanting to give away my position.

I hide down an alley, waiting for him to pass. Then, carefully, I follow him.

I don't know where he's leading me. I search every time we pass under a streetlight to see if I can recognise anything about him, but it's still too dark.

We walk for a few miles. He suddenly stops in front of a dark door - so sudden I almost don't notice in time and nearly give my place away. I backtrack quickly into a shadow.

He enters the building and closes the door behind him. I wait a few minutes, then walk carefully up to the looming building. I push at the door, not at all surprised to find it locked. I scout the area.

I have a nagging feeling at the back of my mind. It sounds like a buzz, like flapping wings.

I walk up to the door again. Running my hand over it, I feel a series of bumps - a decoration. I can't tell what it is just from the feel.

A light comes on across the street. It makes me jump, but no one comes out of the building I'm inspecting.

The new light is enough to see by. I move out of the way, and a beam falls on the simple carving.

Four wings.

 _A butterfly_.

I have a very bad feeling.

Suddenly, the buzz gets louder, and I realise it's not just in my head. I can hear actual butterflies. _A lot_ of butterflies.

I led myself to Hawkmoth's lair.

No. I followed Hawkmoth to Hawkmoth's lair.

"Tikki," I hiss, and he flies out from wherever he was hiding. "Tikki, I have a really bad feeling. I'm going to detransform - I don't want anything to happen to you or my miraculous." I look over my shoulder, tip-toeing back into the shadows of an alley. "If anything happens to me, you must find Chat Noir and tell him where this place is. Understand?"

I think he realises the urgency of the situation, because he nods.

I swallow my nerves. Then, I detransform, taking out my earrings for the first time since I got them.

A streetlight flickers. I step out of the shadows: a mere passer-by going for a night walk.

A lock clicks into place somewhere in the distance. I feel a lot less confident now that I'm Nico and not Ladybug.

A single flap. Two.

A black butterfly lands on my nose. I squeeze my eyes shut.

The world fades away to a distant buzz as a deep voice fills my conscience.

"I am Hawkmoth," it says. I nod involuntarily.

"I have a job for you."

And the world fades to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist!!!!! I wasn't expecting this either!!!!!!


End file.
